Side Effects

Feeling the effects from last night....

Danielle: I have to call 1800-Mattress today to schedule an appointment for delivery.

Me: Well here, use my phone.

Danielle: I can't call right now, I don't have their number.

Me: Hmmmmm? Isn't it 1800-Mattress?

Danielle: Oh my god.


An hour later, and I am still laughing.

Practice Yoga

I just finished a early morning class at Practice Yoga (4th & Catharine) and I have to say it is nice to practice other than Vinyasa, Power, or Bikram sometimes. At the beginning of class we were able to light a candle for our intention, most of us, being someone close to us who has passed, and then dedicate the class to them. This was perfect for me, especially at this time of year. I felt more focused from the start having this intention and was able to revert my attention back to it whenever I struggled.

Class was much slower than I am used to but I enjoyed every minute of it. I was able to pay more attention to form and mindfulness while in class. I was not flowing through sun salutations longing for Balasana.

Anyway, this was my first time at this studio and I highly recommend it.

http://www.practiceyogastudio.com

Kelly & Finley

Spent some time with Kelly & Finley while I am off. Had a great time with them, its too bad we were shacked up in the house due to weather issues. Regardless, it was beautiful seeing my best friend be such a great mommy! It's difficult not being able to see Finley grow each and every day, but I cherish the time I do get to spend with both her and Kel.

at the end of the day...

at the end of the day...
i wanna swing
i wanna scream
until all my energy returns to me


currently listening to:
'Holocene' Bon Iver

Grinch...

I lied...
I just want Christmas to be over.

They just decorated my office and I want to throw up in my trash can. We are not even allowed to decorate and yet there are Merry Christmas stickers everywhere. Ehhhhh....

And the traffic.

And the annoying music.

And all the damn cookies, and chocolate, and parties that tempt me to eat and NOT go to the gym.

I have been very very fortunate in the past two weeks, and I am so thankful for that. However, it really has nothing to do with Christmas, so whatever.

Bah humbug.


Currently listening to...

Slow Down

I cannot stop thinking about this poor lady....

Yesterday I was walking, in a rush like usual, and right in front of me this woman walks right out into traffic and gets seriously run over by a car. The sound, the site, it was all so terrible. I had to call 911, she was in shock, and her leg was twisted in the opposite direction. Ugghhhh. I just hope she was okay.

Unfortunately, this brought back the memory of when the old man killed himself right in front of my eyes, walking out onto the train tracks. I had nightmares for months after seeing this, mostly because of the sound of the entire body breaking, but I will stop here. It hurts me to even think of this.

This woman was obviously in a rush and was not paying attention like she should have been. I feel terrible for the young girl who hit her because it is going to be hard to get over. She was begging us to stay because she needed witnesses. The lady, in agony, was telling her it was okay and she knew it was her fault. It was just a horrific scene all together.

Anyways. Seriously, this just reminds me to slow down a little. Nothing is worth rushing over. Being 10, 20, 40 minutes late is much better than rushing through life. I woke up this morning an extra half hour early so that I could take my time.

I know its the holidays and we are all rushing around, but please just take the time to slow down. Enjoy the seconds, the moments surrounding you because once you rush by them you can never get them back.

Il bel far niente.

Christmas List

So after being extremely lucky last week, I am able to buy MYSELF everything I want for Christmas.

My list includes


~MacBook


~Nikon 50mm f/1.4 D AF Lens


~Fisheye No.2 SHIAWASE


~Lightroom

I think I like Christmas this year....

south philly bruiser

Seriously, I am so thankful I have these South Philly neighbors on my side.

Last night I noticed a car completely blocking my car in my parking spot, which is a mini mini mini driveway. I thought to myself, there is no way someone is actually parked there, and they are just probably stopping somewhere for a min or two. They were not only blocking me, but three other cars from moving from their spots. My alley way is pretty small so it makes it difficult to manage your way out.

Anyways, dickwad was still parked there when I went to leave this morning. I thought maybe it was my neighbors friend or something because I still could not believe someone would leave their car there. So I woke my neighbors up and asked. Nope not theirs.

So after screaming obscenities in the alley way for like 10 minutes, warning that mother effer, I tried to call the PPA to have it towed. I was already late for work, cold, and super annoyed.

Next thing you know mega douche comes walking down the street like he just got laid for the first time or something. Little did he know I was waiting for his ass. After screaming at him for like five minutes I let him move on. I needed to get to work. Well.....my neighbor was not ready to let him off this easy. He comes running out of the house like a mad man. I have never been so afraid for another individual in my life, and I mean the super assfuck. My neighbor was in his face screaming telling him he was going to blow his effin car up. Crazy.

I am just very thankful I am surrounded by these peeps because I know I will always have a crazy ass family just a step away.

Article Link

Here is the link to the article that listed the winners. I even have a new name...Laura Waddington. This is awesome.

http://articles.philly.com/2011-12-15/entertainment/30520688_1_christmas-party-holiday-season-giveaway

I picked up my prizes and they are amazing. I don't even know what to do with some of them. I have never had a cashmere sweater I'll tell ya that. A Clarisonic face washing machine thingy? Really? I am so grateful.

My favorite out of everything is probably the cheapest item in there. The vinyl record coasters. I love them!

mail from an ex

So my ex contacted me asking me for my new address. He says there is something he has been wanting to send to me for a while now. Nothing he sends me could ever matter but there are a couple things it may be....

meghans mixer
my hundreds of dollars worth of spices I left at the house
a bomb
my world series phillies ticket that I "gave" him
an apology letter for being an asshole
old pictures

I'm hoping for the spices!! I've been pissed about them since the day I left.

bloglovin'

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I CANT Believe I WON!!

This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me and I cannot even begin to say how thankful I am to have such a great aunt. My words just turn into tears for how grateful I am. And I can't believe I WON!!!

From the Philly.com Daily News Contest

This year we want to pay it forward by asking Daily News and Philly.com readers to tell us who they think deserves these gifts.

Maybe you know of a self-sacrificing special ed teacher. Or a longtime unemployed person who really needs encouragement and some new makeup shades, too.

We’ll read all of your nominations and select 10 winners, each of whom will receive one of every item on our holiday gift list worth $1000.

Please include your nominee’s name, telephone number, address (work or home) and the hours they are typically there. Make sure we know who you are, too. Keep it brief, please.

All entries must received by Dec. 9. We’ll announce the winners before Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

http://www.philly.com/philly/style/134746743.html

And this is what my aunt wrote about me....she is just way too sweet, I love her so much.

My niece Laura deserves it all. She is a beautiful and totally giving person. She is a social worker which is the perfect field for her giving personality. Laura is always the one to give a gift from the heart not the pocketbook. Gifts from Laura have been known to bring tears to your eyes. Laura is a runner like yourself. Her main charity to run for is breast cancer. Laura started with the breast cancer runs when her Aunt Lisa was diagnosed. Her Aunt passed away from the disease a little over a year ago and she still runs for the cure. She has encouraged her sisters to join her last year and they will run together again this year. In my opinion Laura is an inspiration to us all. She may not know it but the whole family admires her. Laura has a very large heart and very strong convictions. She is your typical giver not taker. For such a young woman, she is such a huge inspiration.

There is going to be a follow up story on the winners either tomorrow or Friday. I can't wait to go pick up my gifts today!

Thanks Aunt Renee I love YOU!

OhLand

Show was amazing. Love her sound. And it was a low key, not crowded scene which makes me happy. And I got to see the love of my life, so overall, great night.

Heres some pics. Everything was so bright so not so great of quality.

Oh Land

Oh Land Tonight....Super Excited.

15 Fun Facts about Oh Land

1. Her real name is Nanna Fabricius
2. She was born in Copenhagen
3. She was a ballerina, moving to Stockholm at the age of 10 to study ballet at a prestigious dance school
4. At the age of 18 she injured her back ending her career as a ballerina
5. After recording her first album she settled in Williamsburg, Brooklyn
6. Oland is her middle name
7. Her music has recently been on Beavis and Butthead and American Horror Story, two of my all time favorite shows
8. Her mother was an opera singer and her father an organist
9. Abbey Road is her favorite Beatles album
10. Bjork is her biggest idol
11. She collects snow globes, as do I
12. She has one brother and one sister
13. If she could be any animal it would be a bird
14. Her first show after being signed to Sony was at the Pride Festival in New York
15. She was named most stylish New Yorker in Time Out New York Magazine



"And for me, when I make music I dive into my own little world and I explore what it looks like in there. I guess for me, songwriting is very much about stepping into a room. I envision a room, and if there’s nothing in it, if there’s no furniture, I won’t feel at home. But if I start putting little things in the room, then I can start to feel at home and start exploring the room – and that’s very much what production is for me. I start to make little sounds that suddenly will make me explore things in the music, and then I can start writing the melodies and the lyrics."

What she says here by far touches my soul. There was a period of time this year when I was really going through some changes. I was somewhat down, depressed, and could not seem to pick myself back up. I was talking with one of my closest friends one night and she gave me some really good advice. She told me that whenever I was feeling down, or super upset, to just close my eyes and envision an empty white room. Of course, being me, I asked her if I could please envision a black or green room because I did not necessarily like white. She agreed that was alright. Anyways, she explained to me that I should then use my thoughts to fill the room with objects that make me happy, eliminating all my thoughts of things that were resting heavy on my heart. It was some of the best advice I have ever been given and I use it all the time. It’s easier in public to do this than to fully go into meditation mode.


I probably should have chosen something original for this post but I saw this and this is one of my favorite Fleet Foxes songs and I like her take on it....

Catnip

So my little man Jose had his first experience with catnip the other day. I was hesitant to give it to him because I am not really sure how I feel about it. I know cats are extremely drawn to it, and without being able to talk to him and know how he is feeling on it, I was questioning whether it was right. Well whatever, I gave in and figured it was worth a try.

Never again.

He was nuts. And I don't know if he even liked it because he seemed super paranoid. He was constantly licking himself and everytime I went near him he bit me. He was like this all night and barely even slept. Poor guy. He sure is nothing like his mama.

Amy Winehouse - Valerie - Acoustic acapella

I had this dream last night that I was sitting on the corner singing this song acapella alongside a bum. I am a terrible singer, but in this dream I was really really good. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and try and get back into. If only the bum was replaced by Mark Ronson. Well, at least he wasn't a smelly bum, and he definitely had more than three teeth, which is always a plus.

And now I am thinking about how sad I am about Amy. I remember telling my friend three years ago that I was going to try and break my obsession with her. I knew somehow that she was going to die before I got to see her live. I did not want to deal with the disappointment. And now I am :(

Inbreeds

So I am thinking that this girl I know is inbred. No like really seriously. And it creeps me out.

Kind of like those teacup dogs, yea the ones that aren't supposed to be bred how they are. It's all sorta messed up.

So please stop buying teacup whatevers, and refrain from sleeping with your cousin, cause it just doesn't make any sense at all. For anyone involved.

Thanks.

http://www.barkrescue.net/teacup.htm

Jane Seymour-Philly Art

Love this. Btwn 15th & 16th on South.

Weekend Review 12/2-12/4/2011

Well I am basically dying today thanks to a beautiful weekend in the city. I have been trying to take advantage of this remarkably nice weather we have been having in Philly. Craming so much in one weekend is awesome but extremely tiring. And after Saturday I should probably never drink again. Well, let's face it, at least until tomorrow night.

Took alot of pics this weekend to capture it all, so here goes.

First Friday: I am not really sure how I have not been to this yet, but the First Friday Free Art Exhibition in Olde City is pretty much amazing. Free Alcohol and Free Art? What could be better? Jac and I set out, met up with Diana, and scoped the scene. I had to refrain from buying just about everything! I will not miss another one of these, for reals.



Typical Saturday: Jac and I set out vintage shopping on this beautiful day. We were fortunate enough to have Arianna join us. Before flipping the racks we checked the scene at South Street Sounds. What an incredible little gem this was. Arianna picked up a ukulele while Jac found some cheap hanging stars which were awesome. We came to two conclusions as we left, 1. this place is fabulous, the owners rock, and we should probably hang out here more often, and 2. we need to come here every weekend just to pick up guys. Hot dudes galore. I will officially send you girls the invite to set up shop in the store this coming weekend.







After spending about an hour in SSsounds we checked out a little vintage shop, Wear House Boutique, that was just too cute. The owner was so nice, and I was fortunate enough to find this amazing bag.



And the jewelry!!!





Ohhhhh...and let me just give word of warning for anyone ever drinking a cup of coffee from OCF coffee shop. If you DO NOT want to feel like you just swooshed back an eightball DO NOT drink the Bolivian blend french press. I think I am still coming down off my high. I've been shaking for my next fix all morning. What the shit?

Anyways, I will not even get into Saturday night, because there is just wayyy to much to cover. Let's just say we had a blast, right?!!

Sunday, in the midst of my body still being confused from the Bolivian coffee and the over indulgance of Jameson I set out for a concrete picnic with my girls. Falafel Bar (15th and Chestnut) is toooo good. And they deliver to my apt, sooooo long Maoz, you have been beat out.


((photo cred: Arianna))

I wanted to get down to the Christmas Village to get some pics for the photo contest. Too bad my effin camera was dead when I got there. That is the one thing about my camera that I hate. It gives you like a 2 sec warning before it dies. I am sure there is some way to fix this that I have not yet figured out. Oh wells. I will torture myself with another walk down to the (Ihate) Christmas Village sometime this week. I did get some with my iFiggity of course.





And then I, still cracked out from OCF a day later, tried to sleep. Unfortunately, I only got about 4 hrs total last night and I want to rip my eyeballs out right now.

I would say that makes for a good weekend. And to think this week is only going to get crazier!!!

YogiTea

Brewing two Quarts of Yogi Tea gives this much insight....Thank you Yogi, thank you.



Which reminds me that I have been slacking getting to class or Monday morning meditation. There's just not enough hours in the day. Why can't they have class at like 4 am when I am staring at the walls? I think I might have to put that in the suggestion box.

Mama Ortaggio

Last night I pretended I was Italian and made a comforting from scratch italian (and vegan) meal. Thankfully my oven worked for the night, since it has been making up its own mind lately as to when it wants to heat up for me. I fought with the pilot for like 10 minutes but eventually it gave in. Gratzi oven, Gratzi!

My sauce turned out pretty good and I enjoyed my homeade meal with the best.


Apptetizers--olive tapenade, olio, and brushetta


Jose's ready to eat


Dinner's served. Vegan eggplant parmesan, hearts of palm salad, garlic bread. Mmmmmmmmssss.

One Up, Up Chuck

You ever come in contact with one of those One Up type of people?

Yea you know, the ones that never shut the fuck up. Well they annoy me. Just because I have a really cool story does not mean that you have permission to make something up, making yourself seem more awesome, cause frankly you are not. Get over yourself.

Oh yea, and what about those people you ask advice and all they do is make you feel inferior or stupid for asking a question? I will kick you in the balls ((or vagina)) and then we will see how smart you look.

Thats all. Have a nice and pleasant day everyone.

new ventures

So recently I have started really getting myself together businesswise with my photography. I just completed my first couple official gigs, and I am looking forward to the next few I have booked already. However, in the meantime I am trying maintain my writing, continue to photograph, work a full time job, excercise excessively, take care of a crazy cat, learn to play my guitar, and prepare for the oh so dreaded holidays. Its nuts. Being the Virgo I am I have already designed three seperate websites, deleting them all because of my battle with satisfication/perfection/whatever you call it. I spent 8 hrs yesterday editing photos, again fighting my urge to delete and start all over again. I am way too critical of my own work. But whatevs. The point of this run on paragraph is to let you know that there will be some good stuff to come...i promised myself, promise.

Most importantly, and I had this conversation with T the other night, is that there is nothing that makes me more happy than my spike in creativity. Allowing myself to be creative, and feel confident, only reminds me that I am at a SUPER awesome place in my life. It just feels good :) Reeeallll Good y'all.

Super Duper Dickwad this is for YOU

I would just like to say that the pictures that I take are MY pictures. Meaning...they belong to ME. The titles that I give to them are specifically for a reason. They may not make sense to you but...hey, maybe that is because they are fucking MINE and not yours.

For anyone out there that wants to criticize someones artwork, well you suck. And you suck. And again you suck. How about that?

No? Well how about you just move on to the next image until you find something to satisfy your unartistic self, because absolutely no one who appreciates art would criticize someone else's artwork.

Sorry to inform you, but you failed the first fucking grade asshole.

thoughts on the road

I swear I could easily write a book with the amount of thoughts that run through my head when I drive. I need to invest in one of those hand held tape recorders or some shit. I've been thinking a lot lately of taking a solo road trip somewhere just to get out a ton of thoughts. I really wish Jose could write, and well, listen for that matter. We would kill it on the road.

I am going to consciously start to get these thoughts down on paper immediately when I get to wherever I am going. Last night, I was on some serious shit, thinking like this is the smartest thing ever, and within 15 minutes of getting home, I ate, showered, and washed all those thoughts away.

Solutions:
~A pen and paper in the car, which could most simply be done if my mind was not mush.
~A tape recorder, in which I would probably trash in a day because I absolutely despise the sound of my own voice.
~Teaching Siri to understand my ridiculous accent so she could take notes. She already thinks I'm a bitch, constantly yelling at her for not understanding.
~Figuring out how I can get Jose to listen, write, and travel with me everywhere I go.
~Hire a road assistant, that clearly would never get paid.

weird kitty

Something is wrong with Jose. Aren't cats supposed to hate water? This cat lays in the sink every morning just so he can get a bath. He freaks out if I won't turn on the water. Maybe he is just super lazy and does not feel like cleaning himself. Either way he is a weirdo.
And I love it.

11.15.2011

Flightless bird.
Lost without out you.
Empty beauty.
Dreams scattered.

Songless bird.
Lost without you.
Timeless entry.
Emotions gone.

Fearless bird.
Free without you.
Love flourishes.
Tears dry.

The Truman Show

So let me get on some sappy shit right now…

About a month or so ago I got an invite from my friend Courtney’s dad to come celebrate her 10 years singing live as a musician. I was not given at the time of the invite very many details about the celebration except the time, date, and location. I was under the impression it was just going to be a small get together with her closest friends in a bar we grew up watching her play.

Okay so being the 14th of the month, always the worst due to my excessive deadlines, I was in a serious mood all day. I found myself not really wanting to do anything after work besides going home and taking a serious mental break. However, it was the 10 year anniversary and I knew I needed to man up for a little while and make my appearance at Courtney’s celebration. I told myself I would stay just a little while to show her my love, not realizing how important this all really was going to be.

Well, I can honestly say this was by far one of the happiest days of my life. There were so many times during the night that I stopped to think how exceptionally lucky I am to be surrounded by the friends and family I have. I don’t even know how to begin to explain the emotions I felt. Shit got like real fucking real.

I have known Courtney since I have been like five years old. I remember sitting in her basement as a child making homemade videos rehearsing poems from Where the Sidewalk Ends and singing “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.” I need to recognize her golden win as Little Miss MacDade, her performances at the Swarthmore’s Players Club, and most importantly her role as one of my best friends. Last night was certainly Courtney’s night and I could go on and on about her. We all have seen her grow into the beautiful person she has become and are more than exceptionally proud of her accomplishments.

But to the point…Life seriously fucking happens sometimes. We all tend to get busy, things get complicated, time passes more quickly, and friendships and relationships evolve. Nights like last night however, erase all the unnecessary bullshit and bring us back to the reality of what love really feels like. The emotion felt when Court walked in to this surprise was simply amazing. Her tears of joy made me, and I am sure I can speak for all my girls, experience such an extreme sense of admiration, love, happiness, and beauty. It was amazing.

This is my ode to you girls, and you know who you are. I am so sorry I don’t say this shit enough, but I love you. I love the way we have all grown together to become the people we are today. But mostly, I love you for you, just you. You make me…well…ME.

And then there was music.

Am I really this honest?

I just found a wallet with $500 in it and I turned it in. True story. Did not steal one dollar. Good karma please?

FB picture creepazoid

So I just got one of those annoying sidebar joints on FB, like the ones that say "hey you and this person should be friends", that was asking me if my picture albums (from like last year)were taken in Jacksonville FL and the Valley Green Inn. Like who the eff is stalking out my picture albums and then making assumptions where they were taken at? This is super creepy. I swear to the gods that if that super stalker son of a bitch asks me if a picture was taken from my bedroom I am going to delete this shit forever and never break my boycott.
Creeper.

and the world spins madly on....

Check out some more pics from Jackie's shoot here....click on the guitar and it will take you to the album

11.8.11

I have had about 10 people tell me that I look good today. I am not really sure what it is...
maybe its that i haven't showered yet
maybe its that i got two hours of sleep
maybe its that my cat punched me in the face this morning
maybe its that i am in my normal gothic attire
maybe its that my makeup is running down my face
maybe its that i am overwhelmed at work

hmmmm...it must suit me well to have a shitty ass day.

this lens

i hide behind this lens because i don’t want you to see
the person that is hiding, the person that’s really me.
i hide behind this lens because of my true emotions inside
these pictures mask my feelings, portraying everything i want to hide.
i hide behind this lens because it is easier for me to show,
all the shots right before me, allowing me not to grow.
i hide behind this lens because i want for you to see,
this picture is what’s hiding the person want to be.

so i gather all these photos, pretending not to care
that somewhere in these memories i was never even there.

Oskar vs. my mind

So I am reading this book, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. It’s really weird because so many things the main character says I have said once or twice aloud or in my head. I have marked too many pages so far, with thoughts I have thought before. It’s kinda weirding me out.

Here’s one.

“Mom?” “Yes.” “Nothing.”

“What is it baby?” “Well it’s just that wouldn’t it be great if mattresses had spaces for your arm, so that when you rolled onto your side, you could fit just right?” “That would be nice.” “And good for your back, probably, because it would let your spine be straight, which I know is important.” “That is important.” “Also, it would make snuggling easier. You know how that arm constantly gets in the way?” “I do.” “And making snuggling easier is important.” “Very.”

Halloween. Part One that is.

Okay so this is what I remember. There’s really not that much.
Painted my face for hours.
Isabelle’s birthday celebration. Walked in the rain/slush, cab ride an hour wait.
Ate a Lorenzo Roll. Drank Tennessee Honey Whiskey. Drank wine.
Jackie leaves her phone in a cab. Spends an hour on the phone with cab company.
Took pictures. Drank Whiskey. Drank Vodka.
Drank Whiskey. Smoked cigs in the rain.
Hailed cab.
Blackout.
Took a video of Isabelle breaking it down. Drank Whiskey.
Found glitter.
Spread glitter. Everywhere.
Met a gay man named Snooki.
Danced.
Danced.
Whiskey. PBR. Blackout.
Danced.
Met people. Stole Posters.
Fuck with me and I’ll fuck your ass.
Danced.
Told Al that tonight is fucking awesome.
Whiskey.
Saw a vagina.
Danced.
Drank more.
Peed, found poster.
Stole leather jacket cause it was cute.
Left Barbary.
Returned to Barbary.
Brought leather jacket back cause it was bad karma and not nice.
Sugar House.
Met a cop. Explained to cop that I had a friend cop, named Joe.
Cop explains that 89% of Philadelphia policemen are named Joe.
Told cop I knew a lawyer. For what reason? Not sure.
Scored a pack of matches.
Blackout.
Shower.
??
Danced.
Handstand.
Bed.
Forgot everything in between.
Thirstttttttyyyyyyy.

slacking with a splash of creativity

Okay....so I might be slacking on the writing in the next week or so because I am overflowing with ideas of things I wanna shoot. With my camera that is. I am collecting all my scribbles and sketches around the apartment and I am getting my ass out there to do it before the weather turns to shit. I am suddenly not able to concentrate on anything but capturing and collecting.
Stay tuned...

Shofuso Japanese House and Garden

Spent some time with my camera this weekend at the Shofuso Japanese House and Garden in West Philadelphia. I am completely obessed with Japanese Tea Houses, Gardens, and Koi Fish and I try to find them in each city I visit. Who knew this nice little gem was hidden right here in my own city. Nothing to really say, theres something about the serenity in these gardens.

Veggie Bitch

So after being a vegetarian for like seven years I dated a dude who practically ate animals in his sleep. It made things very difficult for me to continue being a non meat eater. So I gave in, spent the next three years sick to my stomach, not being able to digest pretty much anything that went into my body. All for the sake of not spending double the amount of money when I was cooking for us. Fucking idiot I was! Finally this March, I decided that I was going to go back to being a pescatarian (this time) because honestly, I love sushi and ceviche way too much. And god I am normal again, I can eat, and not be sick for like days. Feels so good.

Okay, reason for this rant....People ask me all the time why I am a pescatarian? Usually my answer is "because I want to be." This is just never enough. For anyone, who is a meat eater. They always want some sort of explanation as to why I am 'doing this to myself.' I am not really sure what I am 'doing to myself' since this is my decision, and if I wake up tomorrow and want a big fat fucking cheesesteak (which will never happen) I will just eat one. It gets on my nerves. So I had to sit down and make note of my reasons so I can spit them out in a more quick and confident fuck you kinda way.

I am 'doing this to myself' because....

I do not like the taste of blood in my mouth
I do not like to envision eating any parts of a cows stomach, a pigs butt, or a little lambs chop
I am aware that meat is full of of antibiotics, hormones, and toxins produced by stress & pesticide residues that become concentrated from all the crops they have eaten in the field
I do not like to pick around veins and fat just to eat my meat, cause that just fucking weirds me out
I hate explaining to my server that I want my meat well dead and charcoaled
I disagree with the fact that, to produce the massive amount of meat in demand we must pack, overcrowd, and drug our animals with hormones in ranches and farms to create the most profit. So there is my animal cruelty bit. And I like animals a lot. Esp Jose.
I feel healthier when I do not eat meat
I sleep better when I do not eat meat
I spend less time in the bathroom when I do not eat meat
I like the taste of non-processed foods
I enjoy the challenge of not being a glutton at 2am, after drinking, at Jim's steaks
I paid attention during Food Inc.
I feel good
I feel better
I feel divine
........is this enough, probably not?

Let me mention that I typically never get into this rant because I think it is fucking stupid. Exactly the reason why I always answer, "because I want to be." I do not question meat eaters why they eat what they eat, I could care less. I am not going to bitch at you for shoveling in a juicy cow, a chicken leg, or whatever, it is YOUR choice, not MINE.

The immediate question, I am asked after I give my "cause I want to be" answer is usually, "well what's the hardest part?"
Again my answer is always the same...
"YOU, you are the hardest part."

Now let me eat my avocado in peace.

Dream of all Dreams

So it has officially been a year (well Oct 8th) since my Aunt Lisa passed away. There is absolutely not a day that goes by that I do not miss her voice, her advice, her laugh. Not fair. Whatever. She is in a better place than she was and I try and believe that each and every day. Not seeing her in pain makes everything much easier to deal with.

Anyways...I have said time and time again that I have not once, even for a minute, felt my aunts presence. Not since I saw her take her last breath. This is weird for me. I mean for years after my best friend was killed I felt her presence all around, pretty much everytime the wind blew. I talk to my aunt on a regular basis and I think that maybe somehow she is watching over me, but honestly, I have never once felt like she is. I have come to accept that maybe she crossed over ((wherever)) faster than most because she was ready?? I don't know, but it never really has bothered me, I was alright with it. I believed that one day I would see her again, and that was enough.

Well...what the fuck. Last night I had the most vivid dream of her you could ever imagine. I can't even grasp the amount of emotion I felt. I am totally creeped the eff out. What's crazy is that she was no longer my sick aunt Lisa in the dream. She was completely vivacious, alive, intensly giving off positive energy. It made me so happy I cannot even begin to explain. I am not exactly sure what we talked about, maybe because I was in complete awe, but all I know is that I woke up with tears in my eyes.

I was so distraught for so long that the last memory of my aunt was going to be me watching her gasp her last breath of air. I wish this upon no one, ever, ever, ever. This morning however, I truly feel as if I remember it differently. It's amazing. I am overwhelmed. And most importantly thankful to have felt her presence just once.

Shitty Service Dog Alert

So I am walking downtown yesterday to my office on 15th and Walnut. I am standing on the corner waiting for the light to change to cross. I see this blind lady and her service dog walking on the street towards me. Next thing you know, this lady does not stop at the light and is led right out into the middle of traffic by her dog. Her whole fucking life flashed before my eyes and I screamed at the top of my lungs while cars came screeching to a halt like two centimeters from killing both her and her dog. I didn’t know what to do. I was in shock for like 5 minutes I stood staring into space. Like what the fuck. What do you do in this situation? Well, I did nothing because I was scared shitless, frozen on the corner. Do you report this to someone? This poor lady’s dog is going to kill her. And aren’t blind people supposed to have like an extreme sense of hearing? What the hell was she thinking when the cars came screeching and my piercing scream surrounded her? These dogs need signs like the ‘how’s my driving’ but instead maybe ‘how’s my leading?’ In this case, dog shoulda been FIRED. I cannot stop thinking about this. I felt somewhat responsible for not doing anything. I really hope I am not reading about this lady’s death in the future.

Awesomes #7

You're Not, It's Not, What's Not AwEsoMe
Being sick for like weeks
Having a keyboard that adds sssssssssss after every asdf
People who feel the need to shorten words in text just to save a letter
Koo = Cool .... come on dickwad just write cool
losing your entire wallet, or if you are Ker, losing your planner aka your life
guys that ask "hey you wanna dance" followed by "hey you wanna go to my place"
Misleading Service Dogs
Running out of windshield wiper fluid
The weather not making up its fucking mind
Not taking care of a boner
Restaurants who have absolutely not one vegetarian option
Walking in a sea of flannels

You're, Is, What's Awesome
Tom Yum Soup
Chia Seeds
'Gigantic'
Wasabi Peas
Preparing for Halloween, only listening to Siouxsie and the Banshees, Nick Cave, The Cure, and New Order for weeks
Reminding your friends you love them
Union Transfers' Decor
Fresh new iPhone screen
Fall/Winter show lineup

richard on soulmates

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”

~Richard from Texas

Let me first start off by saying that it came to me last night, that as many times as I have read this over, and read this to everyone who I am close with, I have never written about it myself. As I was reading it for the...I don’t know, nine thousandth time...I was reminded how much it has shaped my life, my way of thinking. I am not exactly sure why I insist on flipping through my ripped apart book anymore to read these words because I know each and every word by heart. I can recite this shit in my sleep. It is imprinted somewhere inside of me. I could quite possibly write a book itself on what this small excerpt has taught me, but I won’t, cause simply I just don’t have the time to jumble all these thoughts or more clearly tear apart these words.

From the time we ((as in girls/cause boys are taught different)) first lay eyes on our first crush we begin to think, “oh my he is my soul mate.” Fuck all that noise. It’s all bullshit. Anyone who goes through life thinking there’s one person, just one, out there that is their soul mate is just fucking crazy. Disagree with me, whatever, it’s my opinion, my blog, so on.... and you are wrong. The truth is, as it says, is that this ‘soulmate’ is just something you want, and have been taught to desire your whole life. Once you break free from this, you will actually see who your soul mates actually are, and who they have been.

Some of the relationships I have been involved in the past couple of years have been both eccentric and sometimes completely irrational; however, they have seriously made me into the person I am today. And I do not expect it to stop here. I mean...this definitely cannot be it. There’s so much more for me to learn, to experience, to love. I could go on and on....blah blah blah.

Anyways, most importantly, the character in the book, Elizabeth, continues to say to Richard, about her “soul mate” David.....

Liz: “But I love him.”
Richard: “So love him.”
Liz: “But I miss him.”
Richard: “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”

I cannot begin to explain to you how much I have taken this advice, this “send some light and love.” Sometimes it backfires on me, but fuck it whatever, this is my life, these are my feelings. Only I have to deal with them inside. I have the ability to shut off my brain. I have learned to meditate at the right times. I am responsible for my own happiness. If I think about someone, and remember how important they have been to me, I tend to let them know, consciously or subconsciously. I am no longer afraid to put myself out there, sometimes, to look like a fool, just to remind someone I am thinking of them. There was a time in my life where I was completely shut off, walls all around, and quite frankly that was by far the worst time in my life. I will never, ever, ever go back there. Promise you, me, god knows whoever, that.

The conversation goes on between both Liz and Richard only to end with... “You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”

And isn’t that the fucking truth.

I think I’ll stop here.

Attraversiamo.

seventh step

I sit on this seventh step all my thoughts pouring out. This is where I feel good. This is when it feels right. I think of you. Where you are. What you are doing. How you are without me. I hurt. But then I think about when you were here. The pain. Repeat. Nothing was fair. So I use the seventh step to wish for you. Wish you are well. Wish your dreams come true. Wish it is exactly how you wanted it to be. I lay on the seventh step now. Reminds me of your presence. Where am I. What am I doing. How I am without you. I stand on the seventh step now. Walk down to the sixth. Back up to the seventh. And I wait.

.10.8.10.iremember.

Daily Flicks

I know I am probably going to take some major shit for writing this, but whatevs.

I just don’t get the whole day by day let me take a picture of myself and upload it for everyone to see. Trust me, I know we are all guilty (yes, including myself) of snapping a flick of ourselves for a new fb profile pic (yea gurrrlll), instagram awesomeness, twitter update, prego status, or just for our own viewing pleasure (to only erase 30 times before getting a keeper). That’s all good. But shit, is it really necessary to take a picture every fucking day to see you in a new god damn pose? I think this shit is becoming like an epidemic or something. Is everyone really obsessed with taking that many pictures of themselves, then spending 15 fucking minutes to edit it to look remotely good? Just stop. Please. Stop.

If you are at a restaurant it is not necessary for you to take a pic of you taking a bite, just take a pic of your food, it is way less annoying but equally as stupid. I would much rather see your food than your mug shoving a piece of steak in your mouth.

If you are at work or school it is not necessary to hide in the bathroom and take pics of yourself. There are plenty of others things you can do in the stall, like play words with friends or how about angry birds. First off, it’s just gross to have your phone in there anyway, weirdy.

If you are in bed, just stop. No one wants to see your face snuggled next to the pillow. And those that pretend they are sleeping and set their timer to take their pic are just fucking off their rocker. You need help.

If you are in a park, it’s srange to just sit there for hours and repeatedly snap your mug. Creeper. Stop, take a look around there are plenty of wacks out there you can stare at besides your own crazy self.

…and the list goes on. I could talk about this forever.

If you hate me for this then well…I am sorry, but it’s weird.

sick.sober.bored.broke

Let me first start off by saying that being sick for an entire week is more exhausting mentally rather than physically. I am officially bored, bored, bored. Having a weekend to do nothing was something that recently I kind of wished for just because life gets so crazy at times. I have officially however removed any such wish from my mind. This sucks ass sideways. And of course it has me thinking about things I sometimes complain about.

First, not being able to work out is just terrible. There are many weeks that I just wish that I could just sit around after work and relax, no working out, just pure laziness. I have come to realize that this is just something my body and mind cannot handle. Ever since I was basically able to walk I have been super active. I mean I was put on the swim team at the age of four…now come on. All throughout grade school, high school, and college I was part of some sort of athletic team, total fucking jock I know. I went to school all day, went to practice, worked out after practice, then homework, bed, repeat. After college I remember going into shock like, what the fuck do I do now? So I joined a gym, and spend most of my afternoons kicking my own ass in some sort of way.

Yeah there are days when I take time off, but I honestly don’t think I can mentally handle ever being lazy. Even on vacation, I find yoga studios, beaches to run on, or some sort of excursion to challenge me physically. This week has been tormenting having to come home after work, cause yeah I have no more time off, and just lay around. I broke down two days and had to get to the gym, validating the fact that sweating it out, would help me get better. Well I was wrong…I just got more sick and more sore. As you can tell, case in point, not being active is not good for me. I stress out and find it necessary to just spend my time bitching about it. I promise that for the next couple of months, only realistically, I will not complain about having to get in a workout. I might run ten miles one day next week just to feel better about all this lost time on the couch.

Second, I used to think my social life was somewhat expensive, however now I beg to differ. If I was sober, I would be completely fucking broke. All I would do is shop, eat, shop again, travel, and go to shows. It’s crazy, how do sober people handle this? What is there to do besides spend money?

I mean, a year or so ago I was talking to this guy who was in recovery, and I had absolutely no problem with staying sober with him. But now that I think of it, I didn’t pay for anything we did. Our first date consisted of a trip to Santa Monica, yea fucking California, Cirque De Soleil, expensive dinners, etc etc. I don’t really know how he did this, and come to think of it I should probably send him like a major thank you note or something for all the money spent. What an awesome dude.

This weekend I have been completely sober, I have left the house not even a
handful of times, and I have spent about twice as much money than I typically would. I am not really sure how this is possible, but it is and I am completely baffled. It is much cheaper to drink and spend half the weekend recovering in bed. I give mad props to those that are sober, and I might just have to spend some time figuring out how they are not all homeless living on the streets. Cause I would be.

There is absolutely no point to any of what I just wrote. Awesome. I think I am going crazy. Being sick is the woooorrrsssttt.

Awesomes #6

You're Not, It's Not, What's Not AwEsoMe

Going to disney world every year for vacation, when you are 28
AWOLNATION
People who suck their teeth
Eddie Jackson
Buying Diapers
Bar 96
Having to give cab drivers directions
76 East and West
Girls who have to have a guy to make them happy (if you think i am talking about you, then...well i am)
Popped Festival
Missing someone and not being able to do anything about it
Being sick
FB status' that include something that just happened at a sporting event
Putting something in the mail, without a stamp on it

You're, Is, What's Awesome

catching someone picking a wedgie
honeybadgers and queso nuggets
Austin, and everything in Austin
ThinkSport bottles
Making out with someone all night, and never getting their name
Temple University Shuttle Bus
Groupon, for fully refunding my money for the stupid ass Popped Festival


and....

I received this email like two weeks ago, but because I forget to check it like all the time, I got this today....

How was your birthday dinner??

Can you add these to the things that you don't like:

people that suck their teeth

eddie jackson

buying diapers

SOOOO I added them. And let me mention. I really agree that Eddie Jackson is NOT Awesome. Not Awesome AT ALL.

ACL Part 3: Sunday

Ahhhh by Sunday I was hurting and I knew this was going to be the longest day of them all. I was determined to make it all the way to like 3 am or so. Anyways, it was hot as fucking balls out. This was the only day that I had to at times, hide from the sun. The weather forecast called for rain all day, yeah, well it didn't. Regardless, this sadly was our last day of the festival and we were not going to let anything stand in our way of a good time.

((I don't have pics from this show because my laptop has been compromised at this moment))

1. Arcade Fire ::: By far the best show of the entire festival, and I definetly feel confident saying that. I kinda anticipated it being so, but I figured I set them up for failure. I have missed AF every single time they have come to Philly for either a bridal shower, wedding, bachelorette party, story of my life, blah blah blah. Well...I got to see them and they were everything I wanted them to be. Plus, we were able to meet back up with the heathens who are awesome so...I would say..."watch out for the baby." Show was amaze, enough said.

2. Fleet Foxes

3. Bomba Estereo ::: This was definetly a surprise hit for me. We decided to grab some foods before Elbow and stumbled across this band. They were playing on a real small stage near the food tents which was not really getting much attention. Well...this group sure got mine. I am a sucker for latin music, so I was instantly attracted, but that has nothing to do with the fact that their sound was amazing. I would highly suggest checking them out.

4. The Head and the Heart ::: I've got way to much love for their awkwardness.

5. The Walkmen

6. Elbow

7. Mariachi El Bronx ::: more latin music that I stumbled upon and loved.

8. AWOLNATION ::: This was the show to see of the day, according to everyone else! Nothing about them interest me and we decided to leave this show after like two songs. People were in shock when we told them we left, I am still confused as to why. Cheeseballs is the only thing that comes to my mind.

9. Empire of the Sun ::: terrible, terrible, terrible. I do believe that the stage they were on had something to do with it. But not everything. Lower your bass.


And then it all ended. And a week later, I am sick and still trying to recover. I will forever be greatful though for my first, and definetly not my last, ACL experience.

ACL Pt.2 Saturday

Saturday.

Day 2 of ACL was incredible. Met up with Rachael and the Band of Heathens for breakfsast tacos and mimosas before the show. First things first, absolutely nothing compares to Rachaels queso. Nothing, I swear. Well???...maybe except for the fact that I met some of the most awesome people ever. It always amazes me when you feel an instant connection with a group of people you just met. I felt like I knew this group forever, and I am so glad I got to spend my first ACL experience with them. I won't get all super mush.

The madness continued when the show was over. Thanks to Lindsey's drunken text messages and nuggets con queso I was able to forget how fucking bad my feet and body felt at this point. Oh yea and the cab ride home for sure was unforgettable. I am very very thankful for the accessability and accuracy of Philadelphia cabbies these days.

Oh...and it rained...a lot for Austin, which I think everyone was more than stoked about.








^^^^((PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE PREGO SLAMMING BACK WINE AND CIGS BESIDE US!!!)))^^^


So here's my picks for day 2:

1. Cut Copy ::: Probably one of the most high energy shows I have ever been too. Unfortunately, I spent the first half listening to the show from the long ass potty line. What I did catch however was amazing and I danced my ass off, oh yea, and those Torchy's fried avocado tacos (which are delish btw).




2. Stevie Wonder ::: I know, I know, I chose Stevie Wonder over My Morning Jacket, and I still stand by my decision. I fought Travis over this all day and I was second guessing myself walking over to the show. Travis insisted on reminding me for the rest of the night how incredible MMJ was but I am thankful I got to see my man one more time before he stops touring all together. I have loved Stevie since I was a little girl and I have seen him once before and I enjoyed it as much as you could imagine. I was brought back to my high school days driving around with Strey blaring Boogie on Reggae Woman. I was disappointed in the crowd though. I think everyone was thinking they needed to see Stevie before he liked died or something. Hardly anyone knew his songs and they just stood around like they were all confused with why he was spitting political ish. Wake up assholes, he is the United Nations Messenger for Peace, how could he not incorporate his passions into his show. I am so thankful I got to see Stevie in concert again, its not everyday that you have the opportunity to see a legend.




3. Young the Giant ::: This was a surprise. I was not really into seeing this show since they are another played out 104.5 band, but it was really good. Their sound was amazing. And Heinekens were flowing at this time.

4. Iron and Wine

5. City and Colour ::: I actually had really high expectations for this band and I was somewhat disappointed in the sound. I think the band themselves are amazing but I think the combination of their mellow flow and a poor sound team may have led me to feel this way. I would really like to see them in a more intimate setting before I make any judgements on their live shows.

6. Chromeo ::: dude better step his game up for Halloween

7. Wanda Jackson ::: caught her show while drunkenly shoving a veggie burger down my throat and she was really good. Old. But still kickin.

Missed Shows
MMJ ::: I will have plenty of time to catch MMJ in Philly or the surrounding areas, plus I've already seen them once, so I am using that justification for missing one of my favorite bands. I tried to ignore the text msgs coming in reminding me how people were jealous I was seeing MMJ.

Phosphorescent ::: while on our mini plane back to Philly we met the band Phosphorescent. Dudes were super chill and funny. Glad to have met them and am looking forward to catching a show sometime in the area.