Top 7 worst gifts of all time

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/7-gifts-women-list-220100517.html

Okay so for some reason I just read this dumb ass article and I just don't get it.  These are the worst gifts ever and no man should buy these for any woman in their lives. 

1.  Cheerful chains--this is maybe the only gift that is semi-cool.  But not really.  I mean these are not even that pretty.  And way bland.  I am pretty sure you can pick up something much more awesome from a crane machine.

2.  Nailpolish?  Really?  Nothing says you are a cheap asshole than this lame gift.  How about a gift card to a local nail salon so we don't have to paint those puppies ourselves. 

3.  Teardrop Cuffs--Here's and idea...how about you take a paper clip bend it all up and then wrap it in a box.  I'm pretty sure it will look the same.  When your girl receives it beware she will unbend it and stick it straight in her eye.

4.  Cookware--go fuck yourself.  If you want me to cook for you, buy this pot for me just cause.  I would much rather some as seen on TV spaghetti pot or something.

5.  Paper-clip holder--quit now.  Just quit.  Paperclips are the most annoying thing ever.  Not to mention a jar with a "paper-clip" reindeer on it.  The only thing cool about this is it's potential to be thrown across the room at another co-worker.

6.  Stationary--what are you a fucking part of the convent?  Only girls can buy this for each other.  Do not buy this for your "woman."  She will hate you forever. 

7.  Happier at Home--nothing says "I hate you and want you to be happier" than this book.  Trust me, if you buy this you will somehow become much unhappier. 


Take my advice men, please take it. 

And this is why I hate Christmas.  Reason #187, someone shoot me in the fucking head.  We can call it Murrrrrrdddaa.

it's been awhile

Ok wow.  I just realized that it has been a while since I last posted.  And I guess there is a reason for that.  I have thought about blogging this for a while now, but I was just so unsure.  Even though I blog about my life and experiences, I rarely blog about super personal things.  And quite frankly I do not even know where to start.  My life has just been so overwhelmingly beautiful lately and I am just way too thankful to not get on this shit. 

So anyways, I was reading my favorite blog today and I came across this quote, and I knew I just had to write about it, because it is so true to me right now.

 

 

Here goes...a couple months ago I was sinking kind of into a dark, but enlightening place.  I was very frustrated with the whole dating scene, and the many many assholes of my past.  Walls were surrounding me and I was extremely cautious of anyone I came into contact with.  I was over the whole casual dating scene and I just wanted to break free.  I had no desire to be with anyone else, because for once I was beginning to just be happy with myself, who I was, and where I was going in my life.  I made a promise to myself, before leaving for Spain, that I was no longer going to continue my search for a boyfriend, husband, life partner, whatever the fuck you long for.  I was okay being alone.  It seems really sad, I know.  But that is where I was at.  It was enlightening because I was happy regardless of this conscious decision I was making.  I always thought of my aunt Lisa, and how happy she was being single, being the aunt who was the mother, friend, and confidant of us all.  If she could do it, well, so could I.  I know I want kids, but I have always, and will continue to be comfortable adopting if I need to.  So that really wasn't an issue.  But anyways, I was determined to live my life this way. 

 

While in Spain, I had somewhat of a break down.  Again, sad?  Not really.  I poured my heart out on the streets of Barcelona, sobbing, releasing all of it to my friend.  I got to the root of the problem and again, promised myself that was it.  No more.  All the feelings of depression at times, I knew were a reflection of the past.  I had to break free.  No expectations, no heart ache, no more putting someone else before myself.  I was on the right path.  I needed this. 

 

After returning to Philadelphia, I felt super liberated.  My experience in Spain opened my eyes to the beauty that was hidden inside of me.  I felt wonderful.  I felt free. 

 

And holy effin shit.  Boom it hit me.  Love.  There is was right in front of me for so many years.  I don't know exactly how I saw it, or grabbed a hold of it, but it is so very wonderful.

 

So like always, I will refrain from using names, but you all should know who he is.  I took a huge step in all of this, and for once put myself (like I promised) first.  I realized for so long I sabotaged so many of my relationships, because of the past, because of my experiences and loyalty to many people.  I was not letting this go this time.  I wanted to do this for me, and I wanted him more than I have ever wanted someone before.

 

And the feeling was mutual.  For once.   

 

I can honestly say, I am the happiest I have ever been.  Everyone who is close to me has told me they just see something different in me these days.  Well that difference is him.  There is not a day that goes by that he does not make me feel so very special.  I can go on and on forever about this. 

 

I laugh at myself daily cause I am such a fucking cheeseball.  It's all sort of sickening.  But you know what?  I deserve it.  I really really do. 

 

And finally, I feel at peace.  What I thought was peace before, was just a glimpse of it.  I have been living in the present lately, and it feels so so good.   

 

I never thought this would happen for me.  But it did.  And for that, I am thankful.  And in love. 

 

 

 

 



Everything.

I just had to get up, leave my computer screen, and hide in the bathroom to cry, for just a few moments.  This is everything.  Everything.

And when I go home I will love my everything even more. 

This is a letter written by Fiona Apple, as an apology to her fans for the suspension of her tour.  And this is exactly why I love her even more today than I have ever loved her before.  And this is exactly why I remember to give Jose an extra rub, or an extra kiss, each and every day.  Watching someone pass whether a friend, a family member, or a pet is life changing.  It brings a meaning to life more than anything will ever come close to.  With this letter I remember holding my aunts hand as she took her last breath, and with this I acknowledge how special each and every moment is.  With every wind, I remember.  I certainly can never forget. 

taken from Fiona's Facebook

It's 6pm on Friday,and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.
I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.
Here's the thing.
I have a dog Janet, and she's been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then, an adult officially - and she was my child.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.
She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.
She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.
Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.
We've lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it's always really been the two of us.
She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.
She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.
The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.
She has Addison's Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.
Despite all of this, she’s effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.
She's my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.
I can't come to South America. Not now.
When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.
She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.
I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That’s why they are so much more present than people.
But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She’ll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.
I just can't leave her now, please understand.
If I go away again, I’m afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.
Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.
But this decision is instant.
These are the choices we make, which define us.
I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.
I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.
And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.
Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.
I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.
I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.
I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.
Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.
When she dies.
So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.
And I am asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.
Love, Fiona

DaGrinch

The holiday season I guess has crept up on me again.  Hate this time of year.  Fast foward to December 27th please.

Girl Code

I have been talking alot about "Girl Code" with my girlfriends lately and I think its only appropriate to put this out there.  I have officially broken my strict loyalty to this code and it weighs heavy on my heart each and every day.  The plus to this, I am happy, really super happy for once.  So following the rule of life, as to do what makes you happy, is my only justification for this occurance.  Even though I still feel super crappy about it.  But enough of that anyway....

So here it is.  This is my idea of girl code.  Breaking the code results to you sucking in my mind and I'm sure most girls out there will agree...

1.  Do not date your girlfriends ex-boyfriend.  This is not acceptable.  There is a time limit on this shit though.  Like if I dated Tommy in the first grade, please feel free to get all up in him.  I'm gonna go with five years as the time limit.  If your girlfriend gives  you permission, or if she has since married, feel free to chose as you please.  Otherwise, do not do this. 

2.  Side note to #1.  Do not sleep with someone your friend has slept with.  I understand there are exceptions to this rule, but its kinda gross.  And weird to do this consciously.  Exception #1...your friend does not remember having sex.  Exception #2...you have sex at the same time as your friend, aka threesome.  Exception #3...you were not aware (truthfully). 

3.  After you break up with a boyfriend understand that you are broken up.  Shit did not work for you.  Let him out to date other people.  Do not call him to discuss his dating.  Do not get angry at him for dating.  Size up the girl, judge her, make fun of her, then let it go.  Let it the fuck go.  Hear me.  Leave him alone.  This will bring me to my next point.

4.  Internet stalking is acceptable we all do it.  Shit don't deny it.  Please.  However, and by However, I mean however....leave him alone.  Stop liking every fucking picture and every stupid status update on social networking sites.  Be stealthy.  Making another girl annoyed by your unstealthiness is fucked up.  His new girl is aware of you, trust me.  Now make yourself disappear.  And please, please, do not resort to texting him to try and just fuck shit up.  You are dumb.

5.  If a girl has 1. lipstick on her teeth, 2. toilet paper on her shoe, 3. boogies in her nose, 4. period on her pants, TELL her.  Please Please, tell her.  She will really appreciate it.

6.  Do not be jealous of your girlfriends new girlfriends.  It is tacky.  Just because she made a new friend, does not mean you have the right to be a jealous bitch.  Accept the new friend, make her your own if you want, but overall, just be cool. 

7.  Do not make your boyfriend your whole life.  Remember those girlfriends that got you through your tough times.  Remind them of their importance.  And most importantly maintain your memory of being independent. 

8.  Make dibs on guys if you please.  Respect your girlfriends interest, but accept the loss if you do not make a move. 

9.  Always be a wing women.  If your girls need you, be there.  Take one for the team if you have to.  You all know what I mean. 

10.  Be honest, with care.  Realize your opinions and comments to your friends WILL matter.  So much sometimes that you will be cut if you make the wrong one.  Think before you speak, it will ultimately do the trick.  It's kind of easy.  If you think it is not right to say, It's NOT. 

11.  Do not wear the same outfit as your friend in the same night.  This is the exact reason we all ask "what are you wearing tonight."   Don't fuck this shit up.  This goes for shoes and perfume as well. 

12.  Do not encourage your friends to drunk dial their ex's.  Comfort them when they make mistakes.  Do not judge, we all do it. 

13.  Tell your friend if her outfit is horrible.  Again, be honest, but wise.  If it is just not your style, then save your comments.  If it is just terrible, speak up. 

14.   Do not go against the girl code.  And if you do (like me for instance) give yourself a penance and accept that you could possibly have lost mad respect or whatever.  And then move on to attempting to not break again.  What goes around comes around.

Vote

Okay anyone who knows me must know that I never discuss politics.  I will sit in silence and ask you as politely as I can to not discuss them with me.  It makes me feel uneasy and I hate that I can (and will) judge you for your views.  I would rather not know.  Your choice is your choice and as long as you keep it to yourself I will not judge, argue, or delete your ass from my life.  It's that serious.

But anyway....I need to say this in anticipation for tomorrow's election day.   If Romney wins this election I am 99.8% sure I will be out of a job.  Programs like the one I work on will be closed, and low income families will be left to find jobs in an economy where job placement is an absolute joke. We already are struggling enough with Corbett in office and it will be a complete nightmare for our program if Romney is elected. 

“Well, my system is primarily based on trying to create jobs, not handing out cash to individuals. I do lower the lowest income tax bracket from 10 percent to 7.5 percent. And that helps, of course, people at the low economic level."  -Romney
Smart, real smart kid.  Create some jobs.  Fucking genius. 

So if you like Romney, and you plan to vote, please anticipate my begging for some money.  Cause my ass is gonna be jobless and broke. 

And if you don't like this post, then suck it, and then suck it some more. 

Make sure you do go out and vote though.  It is kinda sorta your right, what we once fought for, and absolutely positively important to the future of our country.

morning

Total fucking cheeseball alert.

But...I am driving to work this morning and I felt all sorts of happy.  Not tired.  Not annoyed to be going to work.  Just happy. 

That's all.

Choices

I'm about to rant on....

Okay so I hate, really hate, when people say they don't have a choice.  I feel like Michelle Pfeiffer or whatever, but shut up.  You always have a choice. 

This woman just left my office and I honestly wanted to tear into her, but it was not worth it.  She comes to my desk, 30 seconds after walking into the program for the first time, with severe attitude.  She begins to tell me that she does not want to be here and she wants to go to Temple for school.   I began to tell her that it was great she wanted to go to school however, when you receive cash assistance today you are required to work, in order to close your cash assistance, which then in turn can leave you financially ready to go to college.  The goal is work.  Employment.  Finding a job.  Ever here of it??  Apparently not. 

I mean I worked three jobs in college and played lacrosse to pay my shit.  Go fucking figure. What makes you any different than me?  She continued to tell me that she is here because she does not have a choice.  Every word that came out of my mouth she would interrupt to remind me that she does not have a choice.  Finally, I was able to let her know that she does have a choice.  The choice is get the fuck off Welfare, how about that?  Or maybe, you should choose to be humble about this experience, about this assistance, that is given to you through my tax dollars.  Oh wait, how about the choice to use protection, or birth control.  Guess you didn't have a choice then either. 

Now this is very unlike me, to get worked up over something a client says because ultimately people say rash things in times of struggle.  I understand that.  I will always be here to help those who want it.  And I support this type of program and it's success.  Without the Welfare System I would not have a job, and I would not have the opportunity to help others. 

But anyway, this lady, she is the worst and I hope she makes the choice to be a better person when she wakes up tomorrow. 

Done.  Thanks.

Va.Len.Theee.A

Otherwise known as Valencia. 

Just putting it out there now.  There is going to be a little bit left out of this post out of respect for certain people.  Including my mom.  Cause she doesn't need to be hearing all my dirty laundry, she just needs to be doing it, or whatever.  It would make for an incredible story and would most likely make you piss your pants, so if I haven't already told you, just ask and I will (maybe) tell.

Arrived in Valencia, via train from Madrid which went smoothly.  Even though we were all still saddened from our Madrid departure.  We got to our second apartment to be greeted by our AirBnB host's friend, who was mad cool.  And the apartment was amazing.  Ar and I chose to sleep in the kiddie room so I could practice my Spanish by reading kiddie books right after I sang karaoke on the play microphone. 

I am losing my grasp on some things because my thoughts of Valencia are some what clouded.  But anyway, we roamed around, footing the city all in one day searching for some stupid tower that we passed just close to a million times.  Valencia was much smaller than Madrid so we got most of our sightseeing done the first day. 

We had an amazing dinner, at "I don't remember where" but I know it consisted of tacos and patatas bravas of course.  After dinner we headed out to the bars.  I was somewhat miserable this night because I was sort of tired.  But then I drank myself out of misery and became some drunken wild animal.

We proceeded to Bolseria for a drink (or seven in my case) and some dancing.  Arianna fucking rocked that shit out like she was at the P.  Never knew she had all those moves.  We were in the right moment.  Shit was awesome.  DJ was taking music advice from Jackie, and Fran, well, was just being Fran.  I'm pretty sure Fran and Ar were like slipping and sliding at some point, but I don't remember much.  Oh wait, and Jackie fell in love.  With a dude in a porsche or some shit like that. 

And then came darkness.  Lots of it.

The next day we decided to take off to go to the beach.  Fail.  Well sort of.  We could not rent bikes, because we were still not understanding that everything closes down between 3 and 5pm.  It was impossible for us to start moving prior to these hours considering the shit we do at night.  But anyway, we took the train there and it was awesome.  Topless and free finally.  Jackie got to stick her toes in the Mediterranean for the first time, which is always super special.  Fran and Ar had happy hour as usual.  I on the other hand was still recovering from the night before.  Seriously.

After the beach we decided to take it easy.  And by easy I mean we let Ar cook an amazing dinner and drink two bottles of wine.  This was one of my favorite nights, because I just got to live in Spain with no distractions, with my lovers.  Amazing. 

The next day we decided to skip the beach in fear of missing our train.  We sat in some park instead, which I don't even think people really sit in.  But whatever.

And guess what.  We missed our train anyway.  Typical. 

Valencia was very quick but very memorable to me.  It kinda of snapped me back into reality.  I will forever hold it close. 

Off to Bar.Tha.Lona.

Stay tuned.

Madrid

Okay so I know this is way past due but people keep asking me to update my Spain post.  I guess they really want to read about it rather than just talk to me, but whatever.  Here it is....

After a long xanax induced sleep we arrived in Madrid.  With the loss of six hours we were somewhat delirious but ready to go.  We met our first Airbnb landlord who spoke little to no English with much excitement.  It might have been important to listen or watch more carefully on how to actually open the door to the apartment.  Not doing this would cause Arianna and myself much frustration only a few days later in Madrid.  Ever have to go to the bathroom real real bad and get to your front door squeezing and clinching with your whole being to not have an accident?  Yeah, well imagine not being able to open the god damn door.  Not so fun.

Anyways, we dropped our stuff and head out to grab some food because we had not eaten a solid meal in like what felt like a day.  We walked around for about an hour just trying to decide where to go.  We had no idea where we were or what we wanted to eat, so finding somewhere was somewhat difficult.  Words of advice for future travel, bring a friend who can make decisions, traveling with four indecisive girls is a effin train wreck.  Regardless, we found the best spot.  We had our first round of patatas bravas and endless amounts of olives, wine, and espresso.  This stop was by far the most hilarious and delirious sit down I have ever experienced.  I never laughed so hard in my life.  Miss this so much. 

From this point forward there were many highlights to Madrid....

1.  We found a local spot, Ocean Bar.  Downright dirty and sweaty, but the biggest beers you can find.  And the most awesome people.  By the time we left Madrid we were friends with the owners and were being invited late night (aka early morning 6 am) to divulged in a couple more shots
before breakfast.  Locals were wondering why the hell we would spend our time in Ocean Bar while in Madrid, but it just fit us.  We felt at home  here, so that is exactly what we had made it.  When all else failed, we went to Ocean Bar.  And when you realize Club Nasty, is well, just Nasty, there's Ocean Bar. 

2.  Patatas Bravas is the most god damn delicious thing ever created.  After our first bite, we insisted on trying them every single meal we had for the rest of the trip.  Every place makes them differently, making it very difficult to choose your favorite. 

3.  Guys.  And lots of them.  Even though we were shooting to make out with the women in Madrid, we were all very fortunate to find some hotties while visiting.  Arianna fell in love.  Danielle, got cheated on.  And I...on the other hand, made out and got robbed.  Awesome.  Accusing the guy you are making out with of robbing you, however, NOT so awesome.  Fucking Americans. 

4.  We quickly learned that you do not eat dinner anytime before 8pm.  Americans are special.  We do not do it right.  The night is much more interesting when you can eat dinner at 8 pm and stay out until 7 am.  And these mother effers do not go light on the alcohol.  The looks on our faces with our very first pour was priceless.  Drinking in Spain is well worth the money. 

5.  McDonald's maps are the best thing McDonalds has ever produced. 

6.  Fuencarral.  Best street ever.  Do not stay anywhere else if you ever visit.  And it's fun to say, in any situation. 

7.  Tintas.  Another great find.  Red wine mixed with lemon seltzer.  Best ever.  Eff Sangria, Tintas is where its at.  Ohhhh and Mama Titas.  And Jose.  He was so amazing and helpful to us.  I wish I could have put him in my pocket and taken him home with me. 

8.  The churches in Madrid are absolutely gorgeous.  Not being super into organized religion my experience with churches in Spain were much different.  I did not anticipate myself entering a church and wanting to do anything but take photographs.  This was not the case.  I had one of the most eye opening spiritual experiences in my life while in Spain.  And while I still do not believe in organized religion, I was reminded there is something to believe in.  Whatever it is, or was, was emotionally overwhelming, but one of the most intense and beautiful things I have ever experienced.  I will forever hold Madrid in my heart for this. 

9.  Ocho y Medio.  After spending almost an entire night finding this club, we finally stumbled upon it.  Thanks to those at Ocean Bar.  Who knew the bar moved five thousand times before settling in a sister location.  Place was fucking ridiculous.  Even though I spent the majority of my night wanting to punch everyone in the face after realizing I was pick pocketed, the club was sick.  We had the best time here.  And wait, did I say, Arianna fell in love.  OH Fran.  "Why are you laughing?  Is my name funny or something."  What are the chances of a Fran falling in love with a Fran?  Shits ridiculous. 

And finally.....

10.  Don't ever go to Madrid with the expectation that you will ever want to leave.  This city is amazing and just short of paradise. 

We learned a lot during our first couple of days...I can sum it up right here.  Madrid is beautiful.  The people in Madrid are even more beautiful.  And we wanted to sleep with everyone.  And by everyone I mean everyone. 

We all added Madrid to our top ten favorite places, ranking between 1 and 2.  Our love for Madrid gave the rest of Spain a lot to live up to.

Next up....Valenthhhhheeeeaaa. 

the road

Close your eyes.  Listen.  Then write how you feel.




Amazing, huh?

If you wanna share....lala4416@yahoo.com

ATTn fellers (and....mmmhmm women)

Okay so recently I have been talking with my one girlfriend a lot about what you deserve when it comes to love.  And fuck if I should be giving people advice on this topic because I have set myself up with a long list of assholes in my life.  But I guess these assholes have helped me realize just a bit about what I deserve and to stop for once "accepting the love I think I deserve."  Cause ya know what, that is just shit. 

So anyways ladies, stop being such pussies.  And no, I do not care that I just wrote that word.  Stop being so naive and accepting of absolute shit. 

So here it is ladies, here's some advice for ya.
1.  If I guy does not call you, or get in contact with you, he does not like you.  Point blank.  Did we all not read that stupid ass book, "He's just not that into you?"  If he gives you some excuse as to why he could not contact you, well, he is 1. an asshole, and 2. you are stupid for believing him.  If someone wants to get in contact with you, they can. 
2.  If you want to call a guy, or text in this generation today, then do it.  If you have to worry about whether he is going to respond, or if he will be annoyed by you, then obviously you should not talk to him.  This game shit is for the birds.  The whole two day rule of calling after your first date, or again in our generation, first night with a dude, is for fucktards I swear.  If he/she is thinking about you, after your first whatever, they should call, if they don't, well they are yes, see above.  I said it, I swear.
3.  If he/she likes your shit on FB as the only means of showing you they are interested, well again, they have issues.  So run.  Run now.  You will eventually be one of those annoying married couples who expose their entire relationship for the world to see.  And you are doomed. 
4.  If you sleep with someone, and they run out in the morning, well, sorry to say, you are now a victim of a one night stand.   Don't even spend the next three days anticipating a call and overanalyzing what the whiskey had to do with anything.  Get over it.  Take it for what it was.  You got laid.
5.  And finally, there are people out there that will treat you right.  Stop settling for the next worst thing.  Value yourself.  Please.  I promise you are worth it.  If you feel like I am talking about you, well, I probably am.  So again, you are awesome.  Stop thinking otherwise.
6.  Ohhhh and a final after the final.  You do not need a relationship to give you what you need sexually.  Most men are not that good anyway.  I'm pretty sure you know your way around much better.  Get on it ladies.  The most important relationship you will ever have, is the one you have with yourself. 

And for the guys, let me tell ya something....
1.  It is still cool to act like a gentlemen.  If your father did not teach you right, well read a fucking book.  There are plenty out there. 
2.  Take a girl out.  I am totally one that is okay with splitting a bill, all that bullshit, but for reals splurge like one or two times. 
3.  Do not tell a girl you are broke.  I swear to whomever, the last fifteen guys I have talked to told me they were broke within the first conversation.  REally, are you serious?  I am as far from a gold digger can get, but shut up.  Stop telling people that.  It is 100% positively not in any way attractive. 
4.  Don't be too nice.  There is not one girl (that I know) that will like you for this.  Do not carry her purse, or order her dinner for her, or even call her 35 times a day.  Tell her that she is beautiful and stop there.  It's enough I promise.
5.  If something is bothering you, just say it.  Stop running everytime an emotion comes out of your poor little selfless self.  I'm pretty sure we can listen.  And most of the time, we might even understand. 
6.  Girls are bitches.  Get over it.  Or start dating men.  Enough said.

Thank you very much for your time now.  Have a nice day.

super awesome

You know what?  I bought a whole bunch of shit this morning and for once was super excited with some new debt of mine. 
A new camera, external batteries, external flash, external hard drives, 8g cards.  Boom.  I am happy.

But then.  I decide to ruin my happiness by opening my cell phone bill.  $400 fucking dollars.  Go Fuck yourself ATT.  I have nothing else to say. 

Surprise!!!

Okay well I am officially old (according to what I always have said) and I actually kind of feel great about it.  30 has been amazing so far.  I mean, I pre-celebrated my birthday with a trip to Spain.  What could be better than that?  After returning from Spain I had no expectations, yes, for once in my life, of what my birthday should have been.  This is a major problem of mine.  Expectations.  I expect too much and am constantly let down.  While in Spain I somehwhat had a melt down regarding this issue.  A great friend of mine talked me through this and now I am honestly working to have less expectations and to be more appreciative of what comes to me rather than what I think I deserve.  It is work in progress for sure. 

Anyways back to 30.  So I came home with absolutely no expectations for what my 30th birthday should have been.  I told my friends (Philly girls) that I just wanted to go out and hop around town.  My only requirement was that I had no involvement in deciding what I wanted to do.  I gave them a list of "please don't take me here's" and left it at that. 

While in Spain my sister Michele contacted me to let me know she decided to have a little birthday party for me at her house on Saturday.  I tried to explain to her that my friends would be planning something for me Saturday and it might not be the best day.  I did not want to have to rush around and cut short time with either my family or my friends.  My sister told me it was not an option to change the day and I just had to suck it up.  I was annoyed yes, and bitched about it in every way, but recognized of course that my sister was doing something nice for me, and I needed to stop being a brat.  So I went, and it was amazing.  I love my family so much.  Little did I know, they were just trying to get me out of the city for the day.  So the following could take place....

Upon returning to the city I was informed that I needed to be ready by 9pm.  Problem #1.  I do not like to go out before 10pm...earliest.  Didn't my friends know this by now?  I have a slight drinking problem and going out at 9 would for sure leave me for dead by 2am.  So I bitched about that.  Then I was told that I was going to dinner at 9pm.  Problem #2.  I hate eating out prior to a night of drinking.  Okay.  So I am vegan now and the food I eat fucking stinks.  I need to like brush my teeth six times and shower afterwards just not to smell like a ball of garlic.  How was I gonna score the perfect birthday dude smelling like garlic.  I was annoyed.  And bitched again.  So of course, I get my ass up and ready by 9pm, 8:30 to be exact, so that no one else could join in my bitching party.  I was then informed that at 9:30pm I had to wait on Shanna.  Problem #3.  I hate waiting.  Not on my birthday.  No fucking way.  So I bitched some more.  Oh and on top of it I had to walk to get Shanna, so we could take cab to the same place.  Problem #4.  Doesn't anyone understand I am in heels.  Super mother effing High Heels.  There is no compromise to my heels.  So I bitched, yes, a little bit more.

My god.  My poor friends.  I am such a little brat.

Anyways, I thought that I was going to Vedge for dinner since I have not yet been.  Danielle informed me that I was going to have a nice little evening with many places to visit, starting with dinner.  She promised that I would not be thrown into a bar to just take 10 pickle backs in a row (which secretly I would not have minded).  I accepted and we started on our trek to Shanna's apartment so we can be on our way to dinner.

And.....SURPRISE!! There was a party waiting for me.  I was so surprised, I mean maybe I should have had an idea that this would happen, but I really did not.  My friends, across the board, played this really well.  They all had little lies to make me not even think that this was NOT happening. 

I have to say everything was just perfect.  The Asian theme, the homeade vegan food, my entire family, all my friends, the originals, and those to date.  I am so gosh darn lucky.  I smiled from ear to ear all night. 

Allison made a comment to me on Monday saying that she was so satisfied with the turnout just because I was beaming.  The.Entire.Time.  Honestly, I could not have had a more perfect night.  Even though my bridesmaids did not have their kimono's on, it was truly the wedding (to myself) I have always wanted.  Life celebration, yes!  I would say. 

So here is my thank you.  Thank you for all being you and for making me feel so incredibly lucky to be me.  Each and every minute of that night I will remember as being some of the best.  You have officially started my decade off with a bang (no pun intended) and I love you all so very much. 

And if I didn't shove cake in your face, I apologize, and promise to get you in the future, to show my love and appreciation of course.

Thanks a millions times over.  All my love.  And some more. 

 

 

 

 ((sorry for those left outta pictures)) I really did not have as many as I would like. 

 

on my day.

It's only 10:30 am in the morning and I am so overwhelmed with reminders of how rich my life is.  How lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life.  And how extremely thankful to have had to opportunity to live all my experiences thus far in my life. 

I want to share a moment within the past week where I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and reflection on my life.  While in Madrid, I was robbed, my cell phone was stolen, and at the time it was the end of the world.  I was devasted.  I had just recently been robbed in Philadelphia and went through the same situation two months prior.  I was filled with, why me's, not fairs, and how could they's.  I just was so pissed at the world.  For someone who gives back so much, I could not understand how I was again experiencing a situation of extreme ignorance and negativity.  I took to throwing a pity party for myself for like hours.  I wanted to fight everyone and anyone who I came into contact with.

And then....

Now let me say this first.  The past couple of years I have come to change my religious perspective quite some bit.  I was raised in a Catholic family, who went to church every week, and who attended Catholic school.  I always questioned organized religion and with my own strength broke free from the guilt of not completely believing in what was taught and preached to me.  I felt an extreme sense of freedom being able to practice different religions freely with no judgement or questions of "what I am."  I am still confused with what to believe, or who to believe in, but I am okay with that.  For me it is most important to have spirituality within myself.  To believe in whatever I want to believe in and to feel what I give to this world will always matter regardless of whose "gates" I step upon at the time of death.  Okay, enough of that.

So back to the thing....when I was in Madrid. 

I entered a cathedral, and I am terrible with names so I don't even remember which it was.  Upon entering the church I was still disconnected, focusing more upon my photographs and the beauty of it as an establishment.  I did not sit and pray, as I was used to doing.  I did not feel as if I was worthy considering the catholic church shuns those who do not attend the sabbath weekly.  I began walking through the church, exploring, photo after photo.  I came to a private praying area, not for tourist, for those that wanted to sit in peace and pray.  Suddenly I had the urge to go in.  Well I did, and I can't even begin to put into words what came over me.  Within 15 seconds of entering the room, I was overwhelmed with emotion.  And I promise you tears are in my eyes at this very moment.  I felt so happy and so content but also so saddened by my ungrateful attitude I had exhibited in the 24 hours prior.  I sat there and I cried and cried and then cried somemore.  All with such thanks in my mind.

During these moments, in privacy, in my own peace, I was able to reflect and remember what is important in life.  My life is so rich and I am so thankful for everything that I have.  I have the best friends and family one could ever ask for.  The places, events, people, everything, I have experienced have been so special to me and sometimes it takes moments like these to remember that. 

So I just want to thank you to all those who have shaped me into this, yes, 30 year old I am today.  All my gratitude and love for everything you have given me. 

And I will always remember....that when I wake up in the morning, I will put my best love forward.  Each and every single day.   

to be back

Welp...yep it sucks.  To be back in the states blows a big donkey ya know.  This place is terrible.  I am going to try and get to my photos so I can post and show pics at the same time.  I have so much to talk about and will write about each city.  It will just take me a minute or 9000 to get to my 1500 pictures. 

So far back in 'Merica it has sucked....
I...
1.  Spoke with the most undereducated, unreliable, and super stupid ATT tech to get my phone turned back on 9 million minutes later. 
2.  Spilled my entire jug of Tom Yum Soup (after craving it for an entire 8 hr flight) all over my kitchen floor.
3.  Went "to sleep" (those words will forever be funny) before the sun went down.
4.  Had to remove a staff member from my staff
5.  Spent $2.75 on the worst tasting organic orange juice.
6.  Am dealing with a fever, sinus infection, and lack of taste buds
7.  Saw a Honda Civic with fake eyelashes on the headlights
8.  Spent a half hour within the first two hours of being awake discussing a drug addicted baby momma.
9.  Had to do wash.
10. Was reunited with the city of Chester.

FML.  Send me back to the unreal world...aka Spain. 

An ode to Fran

Happy Happy 107th Birthday to my number one Fran

 

Thank you for being a fran
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a fran.

 

Thank you for being the best Fran. 

 

 

Please enjoy some of Fran's best moments this year.........

Words from the weekend...

First things first, I need to get back to capturing some of the ridiculous events that happen during our weekend shenanigans.  After recapturing a video taken by Shanna last night I realized this shit needs to be documented more oftenly.  I am going to start randomly taping our conversations because they are absolutely priceless sometimes.

Anyways...things I've learned from my weekend experience

1.  I need to stop drinking whiskey.  I am not able to limit myself to one or ten shots a night, so I think I might need to accept I have a problem and move on.  I am not sure I will be any fun though.  But I think they are words of an alcoholic, and thats just not cool. 

2.  I do not like people who try to hard.  If you try "too hard" to be my friend I will NOT like you.  Maybe, its I like a challenge, or that I just point blank hate kiss ups, but whatever.  Do not tell me you like my outfit, followed by I like your shoes, and your lipstick, and your style, and your life, and your family and your brother in law, in the first fucking conversation I have with you.  Its annoying and you are dumb.  My outfit is terrible and my style is lacking, so now you are a liar.  And besides people like you, I do not dislike anyone more than a liar. 

3.  Being confused in life is for me.  I try to get myself out of this situation, but things never change.  I'm coming to terms with this.  I will continue to fuck my life up until I die probably. 

4.  Mark and Sean Smith are not brothers.  Fucking news to me.

5.  It is always smart to carry a poncho

6.  If you add "FRA" to the beginning of every word, life just gets more awesome.

7.  Questlove by far has the best DJ sets ever. 

8.  The slide at Morgans Pier is disease ridden and if you are Fran you will still go down it.

9.  If you want to hide your drink at the Barbary to smoke a cig, it is super smart to hide it behind the shelves of board games.

10.  Within the next year the top floor of the Barbary will cave in.  You read it here first kids.

11.  10 mi walks are not easy. 

12.  No salad should ever cost 17.50.  Ever.  It's fucking salad for allahs sake. 

13.  Do not ever mistake chile peppers for red peppers. 

14.  Do not think one slice of tomato pie is good enough for dinner prior to drinking

15.  Eating a combo or combos, when vegan, is not a good idea.  Promise. 

Mama Q

Really?!
I’ve left my daughter at my sister’s house for a couple of day& I’ll be collecting her on Saturday when I go over for the farewell bbq before my sister moves to Italy. My daughter has messaged me that she’s just overheard my sister, her husband & their friends discussing vegetarianism, likely because my daughter & I are vegetarian. I say discussing, what I actually mean is trotting out bollocks comments about how vegetarian food is processed & unhealthy & they don’t understand why veggy food is all ‘meat shaped’. Now granted, I’m pretty tired so I am a tad grumpy but really?! Fuck off. No doubt there’ll be some of this at Saturday’s bbq & the word that springs to mind is ‘tedious’. For the sake of keeping the peace at family events & because I’m generally a nice person, I don’t shove my views in other people’s faces & I answer all the questions I am asked, politely, calmly & in a way that I hope leaves people with a less negative view of vegetarians. Because it’s usually the anti-vegetarian that demands I justify my choice & bombards me with the questions. But it’s gotten really old now & I’m finding it rather tedious. If just one person at that bbq asks me why my vegetarian sausage is meat shaped then it’s quite possible I’ll be sticking said sausage where the sun doesn’t shine.

Source: mama-q

In response to mama-q....

Same old shit, ya know?

Now I don’t fucking get it. Why meat eaters insist on constantly insist on challenging vegetarians/vegans on what they eat. Who the fuck cares? I rarely ever comment on the fact that you are not only eating a once living animal, but rather a processed piece of growth enhancing hormones. Let us eat what we want to eat, and believe what we want to believe.

I was at a party not too long ago and around 4 am I took my tired ass to the couch. While some “friends” were nearby chatting they decided to discuss my eating habits/choices not realizing I was 1. in the room and 2. still awake. They came to a conclusion which noted, that “Laura is just a vegan because she lives in the city.” Now what the fuck does living in the city have to do with what I eat?  And do they realize I was a vegetarian for seven fucking years before moving out of the suburbs. Oh not to mention, where I live in the city is full of god damn meat. I live in the Italian Market for god sakes. It’s like I’m breathing meatballs each and every day.

No one ever gets it. Common question “well what are you going to eat??” How about some fucking lettuce, maybe a carrot, or a tomato or two. Get the fuck over it. I eat what I eat because I want to. I will figure it out, trust me. How about you spend less time questioning my eating habits to only research what your little chicken fried nuggets actually have in them. Meat? Yea not even much.

Good luck.

Have a nice day now.

And yes, I smoke cigarettes. Get the fuck over that too. This vegan has to have some sort of vice once and a while.

these days...

My life consists of

Work and more work

Gym

Lots of Kale

Jose

Whiskey

Music

Photos

And.....FUN!

CHERFEST 2012

My Best

 

Fran gets Lasik (and wears sunglasses for the rest of her life)

Jac