Stranger Mothers

Let me first start out this post by saying, this is in no way a insult to mothers who have more than one child.  Unless, you happen to fall into the category of type of mother who I just ran into this morning....

So I am up super early this morning in the coffee shop and in walks a mother of three.  Two children are about 4 and 5, super excited and running around crazy in the shop, the third a screaming infant in some strange little pouch carrier beneath the stroller where I thought you were supposed to keep your diaper bag and baby shit.  As I witness this, I think to myself, "damn this mama is keeping her shit together, good for her."  She was definitely calm, especially with the way her child was screaming, ordering her coffee and muffins and juggling all her money and bottles.  I stood there just patiently waiting my turn, dodging the four and five year old, and minding my own damn business.

And here it comes people, here it comes...

The lady turns to me, and for some reason thinks this is okay to say, "are you ready for this, cause this is going to be you, reallllll soon."  I thankfully, was able to just smile and let her leave without saying any of what I really wanted to say to her slip out.

First of all, why are some mothers like angry old women, thinking they can say anything they damn well please to strangers.  You, mama, do not know me.  How do you know I am not giving this baby up for adoption, or even carrying it as a surrogate?  That's right, you don't, yet you still feel the need to comment on what my life is "going to be like" when I have my first, not third child.  You forgot in all the craziness of your screaming children that you do not know me, and you certainly do not have the right to make assumptions on something you know nothing about.

Second, "am I ready for this?"  Ready for what?  Three children?  Hell no.  Oh yea, I forgot you know me so well you know I am having three children, and screaming ones too.  They are just all gonna pop right out being maniacs.  Newsflash, tubes will be tied instantly, if for some reason this mama makes it to two.  But I forgot, you wouldn't know that, because oh yea, YOU don't know me!

Third, and most importantly, why oh why do you have to be so instantly negative?  Why do some moms automatically default to the "get ready for this, it is hell" comments rather than the, "don't worry, it's not always this bad" encouragements?  I don't get it.  I really don't.  If it is that bad, why in the world did you pump out three children?!  Should I comment on your poor choices?  Why are you not offering, me as a stranger, words of encouragement rather than making me want to go home and cry for the last 10 weeks of my pregnancy.

Listen, I know that babies cry, and being a mother is the most challenging job any one person can hold.  But, did you not think, I thought about this just a tiny bit before getting myself into this situation?  I am certainly aware of what goes on, and though I might not have first hand experience, it is something that I am currently preparing to learn.  Let me learn it, without your shit ass comments.

I just wish, that mothers like this, could stop for one second and change their thought pattern, and offer something else.  I understand completely that the stress levels are high, and you might not be thinking clearly, but please, how about you just not say anything at all?  I have ten weeks left, can't you just let me live in my fairy tale land where I am not sleep deprived, hangry, on the verge of a breakdown.

Most importantly, we as strangers do not know what some people are going through.  I think we need to all just stop and think sometimes, that our situations, are not always the same as other peoples situations.  I believe I touched on this in a previous post, about people not asking whether or not you were pregnant yet.  Your simple words, could really be hurtful to someone, especially someone you do not know.  And have we forgotten, the lesson, "if you don't have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all?" I really just don't get it.

I really would like to thank those that do offer words of encouragement.  You mamas are really awesome and I appreciate that you break the mold of the typical mother to future mother comment that I have experienced throughout this pregnancy.  Like my friend Kerrie said to me just this weekend, "you are gonna love this La, you really are, I can't wait for you to know what it is like."  Well thanks, thanks for that.  I really really can't wait.

Thank you now.  Carry on.

With a heavy heart...

I don't even know where to start with this.

I began following Bethany on Instagram at the very beginning of my pregnancy.  At a time, where not even my friends or family knew what was happening. I saw her feed through the "Explore Posts" and was instantly drawn to her and her adorable daughter and her growing baby bump.  I am not one to randomly follow strangers on social media, but I was yearning to know more about how I could still look cool pregnant, how I could be a hip mom, and how I could still maintain an on the go "city living" mom attitude.  I know that is extremely vain of me, but it is the truth.  I was scared because I didn't expect to be pregnant this early in my marriage, and I certainly wasn't ready to give up my lifestyle as many have warned me I would have to.  Watching Bethany grow, and watching her with her current daughter just made me happy.  Not that I need to explain to any of you my social media antics, but whatever.

And this is where I tell you...if you can't deal with sadness, then close this right now.  Because sad is an understatement.

A few weeks ago Bethany went into premature labor.

You can read her story here....

Bethany Menzel

A week or so later her daughter Goldie was born and there was something really wrong.  Goldie was extremely sick and the hopes of her surviving very slim.  I was devastated for Bethany, someone I didn't even know, and felt such a strong connection to this women I have never even met.  I called upon a few of my good friends to send out their kinds of prayers for this family.  I am not one for prayers to God, but I set more intentions than I have ever have and spent so much of my meditation time forcing light and love with the hopes that Goldie would survive.  Unfortunately, it was not enough.

I don't even know where I am going with this.

I know I was meant to read this story for some reason.

I just think we all sometimes take so much for granted.  I know I do.  And this is a reminder, to be grateful on so many levels.  To be thankful, for our lives, our experiences.  Even the ones filled with so much pain, and so much grief.  They are there for a reason.

I am even more thankful than one could ever be thankful for the little blessing, our precious Jack, that is growing bigger each and every day.

I am especially grateful, for the mourning I have experienced in this life, including the times where I felt the deepest sadness, because it has brought me so many great things.

And I am most thankful, writing this with such an incredibly heavy heart, that I have been drawn to this very beautiful human being, for she has provided me with the reminder that regardless of the situation, the sadness, the experience, whatever it may be, it is here for a reason, and that reason will give each and every one of us a purpose in life.  Forever a life filled with so much wonder, and so much hurt, and even more beauty than most of us ever even begin to imagine.