Shit in your hat and punch it.

I needed to get away. 
Real Bad.
So I did....

Not far but to the most dreaded Seaside Heights, NJ.  I'm pretty sure I vowed to never return to this beach town after my experience last year, however, for Fran I made the exception.  Even though I left Philly in the most rotten mood, I returned with different feelings.

Let me just first say that it is always special to catch a friend in their element.  I mean, you learn alot about your friends by doing the normal friend things, but it is not until you see them with their family that you begin to see exactly why they are the way they are.  Pretty fucking awesome dynamic I tell ya.

Anyways, Danielle's family was as amazing as I had expected.  Fran's of all Fran's I have to admit.  Grandma and Grandpa were just the best, the absolute best.  Grandpa reminded me a lot of my own, making him even more special in my heart. They cooked me the most incredible Italian dinner since my time in Italy.  I felt like I was right back in Roberto's backyard, it was perfect. 

It was Grandma, for sure, who got me.  This woman is incredible.  I know now why Danielle looks up to her so much.  She is everything you want for your family and more.  She holds everything together and is just the most precious trash talking sweetie pie I have ever met. 

Grandma and I got to talking a little bit about life.  Just talking to her for 30 minutes cleared weeks of frustration from my mind.  I am  not sure if I could explain to her how much this meant to me, but it did.  Some people just hold so much knowledge without even knowing that they do.  So...thanks Danielle, for your Grandma, cause she cleared my mind and warmed my soul.

I will for sure have to invite the entire family to my life party.

Cheers to the Battipede's.

lost.

When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered a few feet off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it’s time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.

eh.

I need a break from this life of mine.

Need to run away.

Start over.

And over.

And again.



















Currently listening to.  On repeat.

Gotta Love Kids

So months ago I was thinking of a name for my photography website.  After a lot of cheesy catchy names, I settled with just my name, and photography.  Booorrring.  Whatever, it works. 
Anyways,  at the time I looked to one of the most creative and imaginative people I know, the one and only Mrs. Dana Greto.  And she works with kids, which I thought, would be awesome to include in my brainstorming.  At the time, the little girl she works with was stumped for a name however, months later.....she is still thinking about it.

Just received this series of texts and it just melts my heart.  The shit kids say, amazing....

Dana:  Little girl I babysit just said to me, "remember when you needed me to think of a good name for you friend's photography company?  I finally thought of something real nice.  Tell her--'Fairytale Photos'.  Maybe with an F for the photos to match the F in Fairytale."  Isn't that so cute?

Me: Omg can she be my best friend?  Tell her thank you and I might just have to change the name.  U gotta love kids sometimes.

Dana:  I know.  When she says things like that I immediately forgive her for all the times she drives me crazy.  Haha.
She also just informed me that she hopes to make a lot of money on her 10th birthday (which isn't until December but of course at 9 years old we thing about these things all year long).

Me:  She is fucking awesome. 

Dana:  I also asked her how much she hoped to make on said 10th birthday, she replied, "well I'm not a tight wad like Davis ((her brother)).  Though I am a penny pincher I must admit.  So I am not sure."

Me:  Haha god I need your job.

Dana:  She just confirmed "No F for the photos.  It just looks weird.  Just use a script font like zappafino or something."

Me: Hahaha.

Dana: :) k gotta run.  Had to tell you that.  Love and miss you.

Me:  Tell her I'm on it.  And when I make millions one day I won't pinch pennies to pay her out. 

Dana:  Anna's mouth just dropped open, "cause I came up with the name??!!"


Ohhhhhhhhhhhhemgeee.  I love this kid.  The innocence and creativity....must keep it SAFE. 
And regardless of my crappy day, I am so much better thanks to Miss Anna.  I might have to send her a cute little gift in December to remind her that adults remember important things too :)

Happy

Having a really bad day.  Boss called me "fucking rude" in front of a client.  Not cool.  It took everything in my power to not flip shit.  So I am turning it around with a list of 10 things that can always make me happy.

1.  Telling Kali, "see you later alligator" only to hear in response, "after while crocodile"
2.  Hearing my nephew say, "i lub wu too aunt wara"
3.  Walking barefoot.  Anywhere and Everywhere.  Then using random tubs to clean my feet.
4.  Laying in the grass
5.  Comfortable Silence
6.  Photographing
7.  Telling someone else they look pretty or handsome
8.  Being kissed on the forehead
9.  Pickles
10. The sound of the ocean

Obviously there is much more than just these ten things that make me happy...but for today, thassss it.

Ohhh wait...11.  That song on repeat.

Tonight...

Is going to be absofuckinglutely amazing.  I can just feel it already.  Okay GO.

Details of debauchery to come.

Men...

As much as I want this to be a, "Men You Really Suck Sometimes" post I am going to turn this shit around.  Recently, a friend of mine experienced one of those effed up situations that never fail to amaze me when it comes to men.  Dudes....when you have a girlfriend, that you say you love, and care about, its simple, real simple....Keep Your Dick in your pants (unless its out for your gf of course).  Stop Cheating. 

Ohhhh....and if you have a girlfriend, stop just stop, being a fucking pig.  Have respect.

So here it is....there are just a few of these good guys left in this world.  I feel I need to pay my utmost respect to those that I fully look to believe there are still some of you left out there.  And to these dudes, well done.  Mad Props.

1.  My Pop
2.  My Dad (of course)
3.  Libo
4.  The Greto Boys...Nick and Michael. 
5.  John (whatever his last name is) Fran's Moms BF.
6.  Don Storey
7.  My brother in laws, both of them.
8.  All my gay boyfriends, you know who you are :)
9.  Thomas Joseph
10. Ste.

That was hard fuckers.  Step your game up. 

Stop lying its not that big a deal to NOT break our hearts into a million little pieces. 

On Hip City Veg

Me: I looked at the Hip City Veg Menu and I don’t think I can go

Friend: Why?

Me:  There are too many options and I want everything.  You know, I don’t think about it often but its kinda easy on me being a veg head and all, because there are limited options.  And I can’t make a decision.  Ever. On anything.  So it’s easy, but now it’s hard.

Friend: Yeah.  I’m real bad at decision making.

Me: I don’t think I can go.

Friend: I heard the fries are really good.  Just place an order before you go.

Me: Fuck

Friend: Commit Laura.  We can go back another day.

Me: That does not help.  I still have to make a decision. Whatever, fuck it.  I am ordering one of every side, and then some.

Anyways....I went to Hip City Veg and I was able to make a decision.  I am not really into the fake meat shit, seitan, tempeh, etc. so it was not as difficult as I had originally imagined.  I got the Buffalo Bella and it was amazing.  Jac got the Bistro Bella, which would have been my other choice, and it was just as good.  Sauteed Kale, Sweet Potatoe Fries, Banana Whips, and Green Tea Lemonade were also consumed.  Everything was really good and I am happy to have a junk food spot I can hit up on the reg. 

The decor and design of the joint and its menus, etc were all designed a friend of ours Mike Smith who seems to be super fucking fantastic when it comes to his work.  So mad props to him.  I'm trying to convince him anyway that vegan is what will work best for him, but he does not seem to think giving up pulled pork sammies could ever be an option.

So...get to Hip City Veg if you haven't already because its legit.

 http://philadelphia.menupages.com/restaurants/hipcityveg/menu

                                                      Photo Credit: Crackerjax IG

Conversations (part one)

Some of the shit I say. I hope no one in life, ever takes me seriously.

This will hopefully be a series because I find it hilarious to look back on the conversations I have with people.

The following conversations are ones that I have had in the past month with one of my best friends. Let's just call her 'Friend' for the sake of her embarrassment.

Don't worry, if you are reading this...you will most likely get one of these one day, so watch what you say bitches.

On the conversation of dudes who ask for pictures prior to first date

Me: like what does that matter? What are you gonna go wack it in the bathroom

You should send him a pic from awkwardfamilyphotos.com

Friend: I should

Me: I would

Friend: Oh man no I think he wants to see my boobs or something

Me: Well, who wouldn’t? Omg don’t go out with him, he’s a creeper. He’s gonna date rape you.

On baby showers

Me: Don’t go. I don’t think I was at yours. Ohhh wait, I was there. I remembered that dog.

Friend: Yea I thought you were. But mine was a party with boys

Me: Yea that super hot secret agent guy was there

Friend: who? My old neighbor?

Me: Yea… I would do him

On Boats

Me: God I need a boat

Friend: hahah well this guy builds them

Me: Well tell him to build me a boat. With a hot Latino in the cabin. That is not allowed to leave. Ever.

Friend: hmmm I will see. It’s funny i just do not have this guy figured out yet

Me: Do you want to?

Friend: Probably not. I dunno. Maybe?

Me: Try and figure him out after you sleep with him

Friend: Hahah, yea. I will let him take me to dinner, or fishing. Stalk him out….his name is **** under my friends list. Let me know what you think. His profile picture is Eazy E. But he is not Eazy E.

Me: Ok let me stalk. Why is he obsessed with Eazy E?

Friend: I have no idea

Me: Well…you should tell him to give you that nut.

Friend: Haha.

On getting your bike stolen by your asshole ex

Me: So maybe just slash his tire. Plus, that’s much more expensive than a bike.

Friend: Or I can slime his truck with thick gooey slime

Me: Or just Ajax the whole thing

Friend: Why? What does Ajax do?

Me: He will need a whole new paint job. It’s serious...this psycho I know did it to her ex's car. But she also hung her baby out her window a couple years later so....

Friend: hahahahhaa

Me: Crazy but awesome. The Ajax. Not the baby.

Friend: That would be funny. Just plain Ajax huh?

Me: Cheap and not messy. Or loud or noticeable until it dries. Shit…NOT Ajax. What am I saying? I’m talking about bleach.

Friend: Ohhhhhhh ok

Me: And you can put it in his gas tank....and ruin it for life

Friend: That would be cool just dump it on the hood. Let the sun dry spots

Me: I was thinking that comet stuff. Yep. Make that truck “white trash” like he calls you.

Friend: hahahhaa. I seriously do not want it back now, i just want to get even. It’s weird.

Me: hell yea

Friend: and what’s even weirder is i still want to have sex with him

Me: Hahaha…so would I. Naturally. Of course

Friend: But now I will definetly never go near him again. That’s sooo f’d up.

Me: True

Friend: I want to have someone call him and fake that they are a cop. Holy shit....you should do it

Me: What should i say?

Friend: ummmm i dunno

Me: What do cops even say?

Friend: hahah i have no idea

Me: I think i could go to jail for life posing as a cop

Friend: Oh yea maybe?

Me: Fuck it, maybe you should just give me his number because I will be drinking tonight and I am a super awesome prank caller when I am drunk. Me and Meg are the queens.