It's only 10:30 am in the morning and I am so overwhelmed with reminders of how rich my life is. How lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life. And how extremely thankful to have had to opportunity to live all my experiences thus far in my life.
I want to share a moment within the past week where I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and reflection on my life. While in Madrid, I was robbed, my cell phone was stolen, and at the time it was the end of the world. I was devasted. I had just recently been robbed in Philadelphia and went through the same situation two months prior. I was filled with, why me's, not fairs, and how could they's. I just was so pissed at the world. For someone who gives back so much, I could not understand how I was again experiencing a situation of extreme ignorance and negativity. I took to throwing a pity party for myself for like hours. I wanted to fight everyone and anyone who I came into contact with.
And then....
Now let me say this first. The past couple of years I have come to change my religious perspective quite some bit. I was raised in a Catholic family, who went to church every week, and who attended Catholic school. I always questioned organized religion and with my own strength broke free from the guilt of not completely believing in what was taught and preached to me. I felt an extreme sense of freedom being able to practice different religions freely with no judgement or questions of "what I am." I am still confused with what to believe, or who to believe in, but I am okay with that. For me it is most important to have spirituality within myself. To believe in whatever I want to believe in and to feel what I give to this world will always matter regardless of whose "gates" I step upon at the time of death. Okay, enough of that.
So back to the thing....when I was in Madrid.
I entered a cathedral, and I am terrible with names so I don't even remember which it was. Upon entering the church I was still disconnected, focusing more upon my photographs and the beauty of it as an establishment. I did not sit and pray, as I was used to doing. I did not feel as if I was worthy considering the catholic church shuns those who do not attend the sabbath weekly. I began walking through the church, exploring, photo after photo. I came to a private praying area, not for tourist, for those that wanted to sit in peace and pray. Suddenly I had the urge to go in. Well I did, and I can't even begin to put into words what came over me. Within 15 seconds of entering the room, I was overwhelmed with emotion. And I promise you tears are in my eyes at this very moment. I felt so happy and so content but also so saddened by my ungrateful attitude I had exhibited in the 24 hours prior. I sat there and I cried and cried and then cried somemore. All with such thanks in my mind.
During these moments, in privacy, in my own peace, I was able to reflect and remember what is important in life. My life is so rich and I am so thankful for everything that I have. I have the best friends and family one could ever ask for. The places, events, people, everything, I have experienced have been so special to me and sometimes it takes moments like these to remember that.
So I just want to thank you to all those who have shaped me into this, yes, 30 year old I am today. All my gratitude and love for everything you have given me.
And I will always remember....that when I wake up in the morning, I will put my best love forward. Each and every single day.
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