“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
~Richard from Texas
Let me first start off by saying that it came to me last night, that as many times as I have read this over, and read this to everyone who I am close with, I have never written about it myself. As I was reading it for the...I don’t know, nine thousandth time...I was reminded how much it has shaped my life, my way of thinking. I am not exactly sure why I insist on flipping through my ripped apart book anymore to read these words because I know each and every word by heart. I can recite this shit in my sleep. It is imprinted somewhere inside of me. I could quite possibly write a book itself on what this small excerpt has taught me, but I won’t, cause simply I just don’t have the time to jumble all these thoughts or more clearly tear apart these words.
From the time we ((as in girls/cause boys are taught different)) first lay eyes on our first crush we begin to think, “oh my he is my soul mate.” Fuck all that noise. It’s all bullshit. Anyone who goes through life thinking there’s one person, just one, out there that is their soul mate is just fucking crazy. Disagree with me, whatever, it’s my opinion, my blog, so on.... and you are wrong. The truth is, as it says, is that this ‘soulmate’ is just something you want, and have been taught to desire your whole life. Once you break free from this, you will actually see who your soul mates actually are, and who they have been.
Some of the relationships I have been involved in the past couple of years have been both eccentric and sometimes completely irrational; however, they have seriously made me into the person I am today. And I do not expect it to stop here. I mean...this definitely cannot be it. There’s so much more for me to learn, to experience, to love. I could go on and on....blah blah blah.
Anyways, most importantly, the character in the book, Elizabeth, continues to say to Richard, about her “soul mate” David.....
Liz: “But I love him.”
Richard: “So love him.”
Liz: “But I miss him.”
Richard: “So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it.”
I cannot begin to explain to you how much I have taken this advice, this “send some light and love.” Sometimes it backfires on me, but fuck it whatever, this is my life, these are my feelings. Only I have to deal with them inside. I have the ability to shut off my brain. I have learned to meditate at the right times. I am responsible for my own happiness. If I think about someone, and remember how important they have been to me, I tend to let them know, consciously or subconsciously. I am no longer afraid to put myself out there, sometimes, to look like a fool, just to remind someone I am thinking of them. There was a time in my life where I was completely shut off, walls all around, and quite frankly that was by far the worst time in my life. I will never, ever, ever go back there. Promise you, me, god knows whoever, that.
The conversation goes on between both Liz and Richard only to end with... “You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.”
And isn’t that the fucking truth.
I think I’ll stop here.
Attraversiamo.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
seventh step
I sit on this seventh step all my thoughts pouring out. This is where I feel good. This is when it feels right. I think of you. Where you are. What you are doing. How you are without me. I hurt. But then I think about when you were here. The pain. Repeat. Nothing was fair. So I use the seventh step to wish for you. Wish you are well. Wish your dreams come true. Wish it is exactly how you wanted it to be. I lay on the seventh step now. Reminds me of your presence. Where am I. What am I doing. How I am without you. I stand on the seventh step now. Walk down to the sixth. Back up to the seventh. And I wait.
.10.8.10.iremember.
.10.8.10.iremember.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Daily Flicks
I know I am probably going to take some major shit for writing this, but whatevs.
I just don’t get the whole day by day let me take a picture of myself and upload it for everyone to see. Trust me, I know we are all guilty (yes, including myself) of snapping a flick of ourselves for a new fb profile pic (yea gurrrlll), instagram awesomeness, twitter update, prego status, or just for our own viewing pleasure (to only erase 30 times before getting a keeper). That’s all good. But shit, is it really necessary to take a picture every fucking day to see you in a new god damn pose? I think this shit is becoming like an epidemic or something. Is everyone really obsessed with taking that many pictures of themselves, then spending 15 fucking minutes to edit it to look remotely good? Just stop. Please. Stop.
If you are at a restaurant it is not necessary for you to take a pic of you taking a bite, just take a pic of your food, it is way less annoying but equally as stupid. I would much rather see your food than your mug shoving a piece of steak in your mouth.
If you are at work or school it is not necessary to hide in the bathroom and take pics of yourself. There are plenty of others things you can do in the stall, like play words with friends or how about angry birds. First off, it’s just gross to have your phone in there anyway, weirdy.
If you are in bed, just stop. No one wants to see your face snuggled next to the pillow. And those that pretend they are sleeping and set their timer to take their pic are just fucking off their rocker. You need help.
If you are in a park, it’s srange to just sit there for hours and repeatedly snap your mug. Creeper. Stop, take a look around there are plenty of wacks out there you can stare at besides your own crazy self.
…and the list goes on. I could talk about this forever.
If you hate me for this then well…I am sorry, but it’s weird.
I just don’t get the whole day by day let me take a picture of myself and upload it for everyone to see. Trust me, I know we are all guilty (yes, including myself) of snapping a flick of ourselves for a new fb profile pic (yea gurrrlll), instagram awesomeness, twitter update, prego status, or just for our own viewing pleasure (to only erase 30 times before getting a keeper). That’s all good. But shit, is it really necessary to take a picture every fucking day to see you in a new god damn pose? I think this shit is becoming like an epidemic or something. Is everyone really obsessed with taking that many pictures of themselves, then spending 15 fucking minutes to edit it to look remotely good? Just stop. Please. Stop.
If you are at a restaurant it is not necessary for you to take a pic of you taking a bite, just take a pic of your food, it is way less annoying but equally as stupid. I would much rather see your food than your mug shoving a piece of steak in your mouth.
If you are at work or school it is not necessary to hide in the bathroom and take pics of yourself. There are plenty of others things you can do in the stall, like play words with friends or how about angry birds. First off, it’s just gross to have your phone in there anyway, weirdy.
If you are in bed, just stop. No one wants to see your face snuggled next to the pillow. And those that pretend they are sleeping and set their timer to take their pic are just fucking off their rocker. You need help.
If you are in a park, it’s srange to just sit there for hours and repeatedly snap your mug. Creeper. Stop, take a look around there are plenty of wacks out there you can stare at besides your own crazy self.
…and the list goes on. I could talk about this forever.
If you hate me for this then well…I am sorry, but it’s weird.
sick.sober.bored.broke
Let me first start off by saying that being sick for an entire week is more exhausting mentally rather than physically. I am officially bored, bored, bored. Having a weekend to do nothing was something that recently I kind of wished for just because life gets so crazy at times. I have officially however removed any such wish from my mind. This sucks ass sideways. And of course it has me thinking about things I sometimes complain about.
First, not being able to work out is just terrible. There are many weeks that I just wish that I could just sit around after work and relax, no working out, just pure laziness. I have come to realize that this is just something my body and mind cannot handle. Ever since I was basically able to walk I have been super active. I mean I was put on the swim team at the age of four…now come on. All throughout grade school, high school, and college I was part of some sort of athletic team, total fucking jock I know. I went to school all day, went to practice, worked out after practice, then homework, bed, repeat. After college I remember going into shock like, what the fuck do I do now? So I joined a gym, and spend most of my afternoons kicking my own ass in some sort of way.
Yeah there are days when I take time off, but I honestly don’t think I can mentally handle ever being lazy. Even on vacation, I find yoga studios, beaches to run on, or some sort of excursion to challenge me physically. This week has been tormenting having to come home after work, cause yeah I have no more time off, and just lay around. I broke down two days and had to get to the gym, validating the fact that sweating it out, would help me get better. Well I was wrong…I just got more sick and more sore. As you can tell, case in point, not being active is not good for me. I stress out and find it necessary to just spend my time bitching about it. I promise that for the next couple of months, only realistically, I will not complain about having to get in a workout. I might run ten miles one day next week just to feel better about all this lost time on the couch.
Second, I used to think my social life was somewhat expensive, however now I beg to differ. If I was sober, I would be completely fucking broke. All I would do is shop, eat, shop again, travel, and go to shows. It’s crazy, how do sober people handle this? What is there to do besides spend money?
I mean, a year or so ago I was talking to this guy who was in recovery, and I had absolutely no problem with staying sober with him. But now that I think of it, I didn’t pay for anything we did. Our first date consisted of a trip to Santa Monica, yea fucking California, Cirque De Soleil, expensive dinners, etc etc. I don’t really know how he did this, and come to think of it I should probably send him like a major thank you note or something for all the money spent. What an awesome dude.
This weekend I have been completely sober, I have left the house not even a
handful of times, and I have spent about twice as much money than I typically would. I am not really sure how this is possible, but it is and I am completely baffled. It is much cheaper to drink and spend half the weekend recovering in bed. I give mad props to those that are sober, and I might just have to spend some time figuring out how they are not all homeless living on the streets. Cause I would be.
There is absolutely no point to any of what I just wrote. Awesome. I think I am going crazy. Being sick is the woooorrrsssttt.
First, not being able to work out is just terrible. There are many weeks that I just wish that I could just sit around after work and relax, no working out, just pure laziness. I have come to realize that this is just something my body and mind cannot handle. Ever since I was basically able to walk I have been super active. I mean I was put on the swim team at the age of four…now come on. All throughout grade school, high school, and college I was part of some sort of athletic team, total fucking jock I know. I went to school all day, went to practice, worked out after practice, then homework, bed, repeat. After college I remember going into shock like, what the fuck do I do now? So I joined a gym, and spend most of my afternoons kicking my own ass in some sort of way.
Yeah there are days when I take time off, but I honestly don’t think I can mentally handle ever being lazy. Even on vacation, I find yoga studios, beaches to run on, or some sort of excursion to challenge me physically. This week has been tormenting having to come home after work, cause yeah I have no more time off, and just lay around. I broke down two days and had to get to the gym, validating the fact that sweating it out, would help me get better. Well I was wrong…I just got more sick and more sore. As you can tell, case in point, not being active is not good for me. I stress out and find it necessary to just spend my time bitching about it. I promise that for the next couple of months, only realistically, I will not complain about having to get in a workout. I might run ten miles one day next week just to feel better about all this lost time on the couch.
Second, I used to think my social life was somewhat expensive, however now I beg to differ. If I was sober, I would be completely fucking broke. All I would do is shop, eat, shop again, travel, and go to shows. It’s crazy, how do sober people handle this? What is there to do besides spend money?
I mean, a year or so ago I was talking to this guy who was in recovery, and I had absolutely no problem with staying sober with him. But now that I think of it, I didn’t pay for anything we did. Our first date consisted of a trip to Santa Monica, yea fucking California, Cirque De Soleil, expensive dinners, etc etc. I don’t really know how he did this, and come to think of it I should probably send him like a major thank you note or something for all the money spent. What an awesome dude.
This weekend I have been completely sober, I have left the house not even a
handful of times, and I have spent about twice as much money than I typically would. I am not really sure how this is possible, but it is and I am completely baffled. It is much cheaper to drink and spend half the weekend recovering in bed. I give mad props to those that are sober, and I might just have to spend some time figuring out how they are not all homeless living on the streets. Cause I would be.
There is absolutely no point to any of what I just wrote. Awesome. I think I am going crazy. Being sick is the woooorrrsssttt.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Awesomes #6
You're Not, It's Not, What's Not AwEsoMe
Going to disney world every year for vacation, when you are 28
AWOLNATION
People who suck their teeth
Eddie Jackson
Buying Diapers
Bar 96
Having to give cab drivers directions
76 East and West
Girls who have to have a guy to make them happy (if you think i am talking about you, then...well i am)
Popped Festival
Missing someone and not being able to do anything about it
Being sick
FB status' that include something that just happened at a sporting event
Putting something in the mail, without a stamp on it
You're, Is, What's Awesome
catching someone picking a wedgie
honeybadgers and queso nuggets
Austin, and everything in Austin
ThinkSport bottles
Making out with someone all night, and never getting their name
Temple University Shuttle Bus
Groupon, for fully refunding my money for the stupid ass Popped Festival
and....
I received this email like two weeks ago, but because I forget to check it like all the time, I got this today....
How was your birthday dinner??
Can you add these to the things that you don't like:
people that suck their teeth
eddie jackson
buying diapers
SOOOO I added them. And let me mention. I really agree that Eddie Jackson is NOT Awesome. Not Awesome AT ALL.
Going to disney world every year for vacation, when you are 28
AWOLNATION
People who suck their teeth
Eddie Jackson
Buying Diapers
Bar 96
Having to give cab drivers directions
76 East and West
Girls who have to have a guy to make them happy (if you think i am talking about you, then...well i am)
Popped Festival
Missing someone and not being able to do anything about it
Being sick
FB status' that include something that just happened at a sporting event
Putting something in the mail, without a stamp on it
You're, Is, What's Awesome
catching someone picking a wedgie
honeybadgers and queso nuggets
Austin, and everything in Austin
ThinkSport bottles
Making out with someone all night, and never getting their name
Temple University Shuttle Bus
Groupon, for fully refunding my money for the stupid ass Popped Festival
and....
I received this email like two weeks ago, but because I forget to check it like all the time, I got this today....
How was your birthday dinner??
Can you add these to the things that you don't like:
people that suck their teeth
eddie jackson
buying diapers
SOOOO I added them. And let me mention. I really agree that Eddie Jackson is NOT Awesome. Not Awesome AT ALL.
ACL Part 3: Sunday
Ahhhh by Sunday I was hurting and I knew this was going to be the longest day of them all. I was determined to make it all the way to like 3 am or so. Anyways, it was hot as fucking balls out. This was the only day that I had to at times, hide from the sun. The weather forecast called for rain all day, yeah, well it didn't. Regardless, this sadly was our last day of the festival and we were not going to let anything stand in our way of a good time.
((I don't have pics from this show because my laptop has been compromised at this moment))
1. Arcade Fire ::: By far the best show of the entire festival, and I definetly feel confident saying that. I kinda anticipated it being so, but I figured I set them up for failure. I have missed AF every single time they have come to Philly for either a bridal shower, wedding, bachelorette party, story of my life, blah blah blah. Well...I got to see them and they were everything I wanted them to be. Plus, we were able to meet back up with the heathens who are awesome so...I would say..."watch out for the baby." Show was amaze, enough said.
2. Fleet Foxes
3. Bomba Estereo ::: This was definetly a surprise hit for me. We decided to grab some foods before Elbow and stumbled across this band. They were playing on a real small stage near the food tents which was not really getting much attention. Well...this group sure got mine. I am a sucker for latin music, so I was instantly attracted, but that has nothing to do with the fact that their sound was amazing. I would highly suggest checking them out.
4. The Head and the Heart ::: I've got way to much love for their awkwardness.
5. The Walkmen
6. Elbow
7. Mariachi El Bronx ::: more latin music that I stumbled upon and loved.
8. AWOLNATION ::: This was the show to see of the day, according to everyone else! Nothing about them interest me and we decided to leave this show after like two songs. People were in shock when we told them we left, I am still confused as to why. Cheeseballs is the only thing that comes to my mind.
9. Empire of the Sun ::: terrible, terrible, terrible. I do believe that the stage they were on had something to do with it. But not everything. Lower your bass.
And then it all ended. And a week later, I am sick and still trying to recover. I will forever be greatful though for my first, and definetly not my last, ACL experience.
((I don't have pics from this show because my laptop has been compromised at this moment))
1. Arcade Fire ::: By far the best show of the entire festival, and I definetly feel confident saying that. I kinda anticipated it being so, but I figured I set them up for failure. I have missed AF every single time they have come to Philly for either a bridal shower, wedding, bachelorette party, story of my life, blah blah blah. Well...I got to see them and they were everything I wanted them to be. Plus, we were able to meet back up with the heathens who are awesome so...I would say..."watch out for the baby." Show was amaze, enough said.
2. Fleet Foxes
3. Bomba Estereo ::: This was definetly a surprise hit for me. We decided to grab some foods before Elbow and stumbled across this band. They were playing on a real small stage near the food tents which was not really getting much attention. Well...this group sure got mine. I am a sucker for latin music, so I was instantly attracted, but that has nothing to do with the fact that their sound was amazing. I would highly suggest checking them out.
4. The Head and the Heart ::: I've got way to much love for their awkwardness.
5. The Walkmen
6. Elbow
7. Mariachi El Bronx ::: more latin music that I stumbled upon and loved.
8. AWOLNATION ::: This was the show to see of the day, according to everyone else! Nothing about them interest me and we decided to leave this show after like two songs. People were in shock when we told them we left, I am still confused as to why. Cheeseballs is the only thing that comes to my mind.
9. Empire of the Sun ::: terrible, terrible, terrible. I do believe that the stage they were on had something to do with it. But not everything. Lower your bass.
And then it all ended. And a week later, I am sick and still trying to recover. I will forever be greatful though for my first, and definetly not my last, ACL experience.
Friday, September 23, 2011
ACL Pt.2 Saturday
Saturday.
Day 2 of ACL was incredible. Met up with Rachael and the Band of Heathens for breakfsast tacos and mimosas before the show. First things first, absolutely nothing compares to Rachaels queso. Nothing, I swear. Well???...maybe except for the fact that I met some of the most awesome people ever. It always amazes me when you feel an instant connection with a group of people you just met. I felt like I knew this group forever, and I am so glad I got to spend my first ACL experience with them. I won't get all super mush.
The madness continued when the show was over. Thanks to Lindsey's drunken text messages and nuggets con queso I was able to forget how fucking bad my feet and body felt at this point. Oh yea and the cab ride home for sure was unforgettable. I am very very thankful for the accessability and accuracy of Philadelphia cabbies these days.
Oh...and it rained...a lot for Austin, which I think everyone was more than stoked about.
^^^^((PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE PREGO SLAMMING BACK WINE AND CIGS BESIDE US!!!)))^^^
So here's my picks for day 2:
1. Cut Copy ::: Probably one of the most high energy shows I have ever been too. Unfortunately, I spent the first half listening to the show from the long ass potty line. What I did catch however was amazing and I danced my ass off, oh yea, and those Torchy's fried avocado tacos (which are delish btw).
2. Stevie Wonder ::: I know, I know, I chose Stevie Wonder over My Morning Jacket, and I still stand by my decision. I fought Travis over this all day and I was second guessing myself walking over to the show. Travis insisted on reminding me for the rest of the night how incredible MMJ was but I am thankful I got to see my man one more time before he stops touring all together. I have loved Stevie since I was a little girl and I have seen him once before and I enjoyed it as much as you could imagine. I was brought back to my high school days driving around with Strey blaring Boogie on Reggae Woman. I was disappointed in the crowd though. I think everyone was thinking they needed to see Stevie before he liked died or something. Hardly anyone knew his songs and they just stood around like they were all confused with why he was spitting political ish. Wake up assholes, he is the United Nations Messenger for Peace, how could he not incorporate his passions into his show. I am so thankful I got to see Stevie in concert again, its not everyday that you have the opportunity to see a legend.
3. Young the Giant ::: This was a surprise. I was not really into seeing this show since they are another played out 104.5 band, but it was really good. Their sound was amazing. And Heinekens were flowing at this time.
4. Iron and Wine
5. City and Colour ::: I actually had really high expectations for this band and I was somewhat disappointed in the sound. I think the band themselves are amazing but I think the combination of their mellow flow and a poor sound team may have led me to feel this way. I would really like to see them in a more intimate setting before I make any judgements on their live shows.
6. Chromeo ::: dude better step his game up for Halloween
7. Wanda Jackson ::: caught her show while drunkenly shoving a veggie burger down my throat and she was really good. Old. But still kickin.
Missed Shows
MMJ ::: I will have plenty of time to catch MMJ in Philly or the surrounding areas, plus I've already seen them once, so I am using that justification for missing one of my favorite bands. I tried to ignore the text msgs coming in reminding me how people were jealous I was seeing MMJ.
Phosphorescent ::: while on our mini plane back to Philly we met the band Phosphorescent. Dudes were super chill and funny. Glad to have met them and am looking forward to catching a show sometime in the area.
Day 2 of ACL was incredible. Met up with Rachael and the Band of Heathens for breakfsast tacos and mimosas before the show. First things first, absolutely nothing compares to Rachaels queso. Nothing, I swear. Well???...maybe except for the fact that I met some of the most awesome people ever. It always amazes me when you feel an instant connection with a group of people you just met. I felt like I knew this group forever, and I am so glad I got to spend my first ACL experience with them. I won't get all super mush.
The madness continued when the show was over. Thanks to Lindsey's drunken text messages and nuggets con queso I was able to forget how fucking bad my feet and body felt at this point. Oh yea and the cab ride home for sure was unforgettable. I am very very thankful for the accessability and accuracy of Philadelphia cabbies these days.
Oh...and it rained...a lot for Austin, which I think everyone was more than stoked about.
^^^^((PLEASE TAKE NOTICE OF THE PREGO SLAMMING BACK WINE AND CIGS BESIDE US!!!)))^^^
So here's my picks for day 2:
1. Cut Copy ::: Probably one of the most high energy shows I have ever been too. Unfortunately, I spent the first half listening to the show from the long ass potty line. What I did catch however was amazing and I danced my ass off, oh yea, and those Torchy's fried avocado tacos (which are delish btw).
2. Stevie Wonder ::: I know, I know, I chose Stevie Wonder over My Morning Jacket, and I still stand by my decision. I fought Travis over this all day and I was second guessing myself walking over to the show. Travis insisted on reminding me for the rest of the night how incredible MMJ was but I am thankful I got to see my man one more time before he stops touring all together. I have loved Stevie since I was a little girl and I have seen him once before and I enjoyed it as much as you could imagine. I was brought back to my high school days driving around with Strey blaring Boogie on Reggae Woman. I was disappointed in the crowd though. I think everyone was thinking they needed to see Stevie before he liked died or something. Hardly anyone knew his songs and they just stood around like they were all confused with why he was spitting political ish. Wake up assholes, he is the United Nations Messenger for Peace, how could he not incorporate his passions into his show. I am so thankful I got to see Stevie in concert again, its not everyday that you have the opportunity to see a legend.
3. Young the Giant ::: This was a surprise. I was not really into seeing this show since they are another played out 104.5 band, but it was really good. Their sound was amazing. And Heinekens were flowing at this time.
4. Iron and Wine
5. City and Colour ::: I actually had really high expectations for this band and I was somewhat disappointed in the sound. I think the band themselves are amazing but I think the combination of their mellow flow and a poor sound team may have led me to feel this way. I would really like to see them in a more intimate setting before I make any judgements on their live shows.
6. Chromeo ::: dude better step his game up for Halloween
7. Wanda Jackson ::: caught her show while drunkenly shoving a veggie burger down my throat and she was really good. Old. But still kickin.
Missed Shows
MMJ ::: I will have plenty of time to catch MMJ in Philly or the surrounding areas, plus I've already seen them once, so I am using that justification for missing one of my favorite bands. I tried to ignore the text msgs coming in reminding me how people were jealous I was seeing MMJ.
Phosphorescent ::: while on our mini plane back to Philly we met the band Phosphorescent. Dudes were super chill and funny. Glad to have met them and am looking forward to catching a show sometime in the area.
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