So while my sister was going through her divorce she started to see a therapist, which I fully support. I always find it is important to talk to others about how you are feeling, getting that shit out ya know. Well...after a while I started to notice some changes in my sister. And I was not sure how much I liked them. I began to see that she was a little bit more concerned with her own life, her own feelings, and less about how others affected her. She seemed a little less compassionate, somewhat less caring, and in my eyes sorta selfish.
As I have grown, in the past couple of years, it is finally getting to me that this was not the case at all. You see, my mother, set an example for us as children to always put others first. Which seems like the right thing to do when you say it out loud and all that bullshit. But you know what, I am working so hard, so incredibly hard, at putting myself first. It does not always work that well, and I find myself sometimes more concerned with others feelings and lives than I do my own. I now am looking more and more to my sister to help me remember that it is okay to put yourself first.
Today was one of those days. Important things happening in my life. All the people I care so much about, not remembering. Its days like these, that I remind myself to be compassionate, and loving, and more and more caring, a little bit less for others and just a lot more for myself. Everyone else seems to be doing it, why can't I?
If you feel this way a lot, fuck all the perfect feelings of putting others first. Do to yourself, as you would do to others. I promise it's okay. You will always be you, and therefore you, and the relationship you have with yourself, is surprisingly really the only thing that matters.
This is not sad. Not hateful. But maybe a little bit more honest than you would like. So what?
"those that are heartless, once cared too much"
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