• I’m just not down with dudes in convertibles. I don’t think I ever will be. I have never successfully met a dude with a convertible that I liked. All in all, I think they look ridiculous and they should leave the cute little convertible Porsches to the super rich wives/girlfriends/mistresses. It is also not acceptable for you to blast Biggie from your convertible either. No one will like you for this. Just because you know all the words to Juicy does not mean you are cool. Get over it.
• Guys that surf or skateboard should be required to bring their boards with them every where they go. That’s it.
• It is not okay to wear a prom dress out…no exceptions. If you could have worn your dress to the 8th grade dance or even class night, please choose another outfit. Absolutely NO ONE will think you are cool. Ever. Well…unless it’s an 80’s prom party.
• I think guys should be required to show all tattoos upon entering the scene. This could save girls a whole shitload of time. It could basically be broken into a few categories…No tattoos, horrible tattoos, and guys that look hot with their ‘toos.
• If you are puking outside the bar, please have a friend take you home. Immediately. If no one is available, please find a safe hiding place to continue chucking.
• If you are overweight and/or super old…please stop wearing bikinis to the beach. I am quickly embarrassed for other people and your disgustingness makes me really upset inside. I do not want to stare at you and I don’t want other people to either. There are plenty plenty of adorable one pieces out there made just for you.
• Eating cheesesteak eggrolls is disgusting whether or not you are drunk. Please discontinue sale of this nasty nast.
• Tipping a NJ gas pumper dude will really make him smile.
• If you are a dad, it is not acceptable to make a move on someone that is as old as any one of your children. It is gross. And super creepy.
• Lemonade stands make bank.
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