Oscar the Grouch

Even thought I came to this conclusion about five days prior to moving in my apartment, I have to say that my landlord is absolutely positively INsane. I could probably go on about this topic for like days but I just wanna bitch (as she does) about the current issue, mind you, that has been creating a regular disturbance in my life for like months now.

This bitch thinks trash cans need to stay clean! She calls me every week to tell me that my trash can is dirty and broken. FYI crazy queen, trash is dirty and trash cans are meant to be thrown around. Is there something I am missing?

So anyways, she calls me the other day to tell me for the nine thousandth time that my trash can is well...ugly. I'm actually starting to want to stick up for my trash can, I mean, I think it has character and it is just not fair she is constantly putting it down. She told me that I needed to get rid of it, or she was going to chain it to the wall. Again, what the fuck. What is chaining the poor old trash can to the wall gonna do. It's not gonna get plastic surgery sitting there getting all caught up with the super flies that surround it. I just don't get it.

So...I thought that maybe if I bought my trash can a nice new friend she would leave oldie alone. Nope. Now that clean trashy is around she is adamant about me getting rid of the old guy. She asked me to put a note, yes, a note, on the trash can to let the trash guys know it needed to be thrown away. Completely absurd. I refuse to believe the trash guys are reading notes on trash cans nowadays nor are they deciphering them. Mind you, if I put a note on the trash can saying, "please throw me away," (as she requested) I am sure the trash dudes would be like "yea, no shit, idiot." Cause you know, it is fucking trash and it needs to be thrown away. How are they supposed to know I mean the trash can, and why is it fair that I now have to right a lengthy letter explaining that my trash can is ugly and it needs to be disposed of. I can't even believe I am writing about this nonsense.

For the time being...I will continue to boycott the anti-christ's demands to note my trashy and rid of it. I want to actually see now how mad I can make her. Game on hater!