The right kinda

Okay so I love Girls.  Of course I do.  I mean how could I not?  But anyway.  This past weeks episode was real different.  I wasn't the biggest fan of this unrealistic? situation happening to Hannah and was super quick to judge.  Especially with my man sitting beside me, making under the breath blows, of how this is, yes, again unrealistic. 

But then it kind of dawned on me.  This is my kinda sorta my life.  I have someone that treats me with so much love every minute of the day.  And I never believe it.  Never.  I keep wondering when I am going to wake up.  I only have ever expected the most shitty treatment from any guy I've been with.  And the worst part about it is that I actually accepted it.  It's disgusting. 

I spent so much of my life accepting that I would just be that girl to experience everything.  For everyone to see me as that girl that gets to just do everything because she's not tied down.  To be the role model for all girls out there who couldn't find the right kinda love. 

I think back to nights where I would lay in my bed and wish upon everything I could wish upon to experience love.  The real kind.  Not the shitty kind of accepting whatever comes your way kinda love. 

And I got it.  I got my WISH.  And now I can try and believe it, accept it.  And I can still be that girl who experiences things, but this time, with him by my side.  And I can do everything and anything I used to...just now with my better half. 

So...if you are sitting at home, thinking this will never happen to you, well....It will.  And when it does, you will look back and see everything so different.   So stop accepting the shitty of shitty and know, just know, it will come.  Promise.

Top 7 worst gifts of all time

http://shine.yahoo.com/fashion/7-gifts-women-list-220100517.html

Okay so for some reason I just read this dumb ass article and I just don't get it.  These are the worst gifts ever and no man should buy these for any woman in their lives. 

1.  Cheerful chains--this is maybe the only gift that is semi-cool.  But not really.  I mean these are not even that pretty.  And way bland.  I am pretty sure you can pick up something much more awesome from a crane machine.

2.  Nailpolish?  Really?  Nothing says you are a cheap asshole than this lame gift.  How about a gift card to a local nail salon so we don't have to paint those puppies ourselves. 

3.  Teardrop Cuffs--Here's and idea...how about you take a paper clip bend it all up and then wrap it in a box.  I'm pretty sure it will look the same.  When your girl receives it beware she will unbend it and stick it straight in her eye.

4.  Cookware--go fuck yourself.  If you want me to cook for you, buy this pot for me just cause.  I would much rather some as seen on TV spaghetti pot or something.

5.  Paper-clip holder--quit now.  Just quit.  Paperclips are the most annoying thing ever.  Not to mention a jar with a "paper-clip" reindeer on it.  The only thing cool about this is it's potential to be thrown across the room at another co-worker.

6.  Stationary--what are you a fucking part of the convent?  Only girls can buy this for each other.  Do not buy this for your "woman."  She will hate you forever. 

7.  Happier at Home--nothing says "I hate you and want you to be happier" than this book.  Trust me, if you buy this you will somehow become much unhappier. 


Take my advice men, please take it. 

And this is why I hate Christmas.  Reason #187, someone shoot me in the fucking head.  We can call it Murrrrrrdddaa.

it's been awhile

Ok wow.  I just realized that it has been a while since I last posted.  And I guess there is a reason for that.  I have thought about blogging this for a while now, but I was just so unsure.  Even though I blog about my life and experiences, I rarely blog about super personal things.  And quite frankly I do not even know where to start.  My life has just been so overwhelmingly beautiful lately and I am just way too thankful to not get on this shit. 

So anyways, I was reading my favorite blog today and I came across this quote, and I knew I just had to write about it, because it is so true to me right now.

 

 

Here goes...a couple months ago I was sinking kind of into a dark, but enlightening place.  I was very frustrated with the whole dating scene, and the many many assholes of my past.  Walls were surrounding me and I was extremely cautious of anyone I came into contact with.  I was over the whole casual dating scene and I just wanted to break free.  I had no desire to be with anyone else, because for once I was beginning to just be happy with myself, who I was, and where I was going in my life.  I made a promise to myself, before leaving for Spain, that I was no longer going to continue my search for a boyfriend, husband, life partner, whatever the fuck you long for.  I was okay being alone.  It seems really sad, I know.  But that is where I was at.  It was enlightening because I was happy regardless of this conscious decision I was making.  I always thought of my aunt Lisa, and how happy she was being single, being the aunt who was the mother, friend, and confidant of us all.  If she could do it, well, so could I.  I know I want kids, but I have always, and will continue to be comfortable adopting if I need to.  So that really wasn't an issue.  But anyways, I was determined to live my life this way. 

 

While in Spain, I had somewhat of a break down.  Again, sad?  Not really.  I poured my heart out on the streets of Barcelona, sobbing, releasing all of it to my friend.  I got to the root of the problem and again, promised myself that was it.  No more.  All the feelings of depression at times, I knew were a reflection of the past.  I had to break free.  No expectations, no heart ache, no more putting someone else before myself.  I was on the right path.  I needed this. 

 

After returning to Philadelphia, I felt super liberated.  My experience in Spain opened my eyes to the beauty that was hidden inside of me.  I felt wonderful.  I felt free. 

 

And holy effin shit.  Boom it hit me.  Love.  There is was right in front of me for so many years.  I don't know exactly how I saw it, or grabbed a hold of it, but it is so very wonderful.

 

So like always, I will refrain from using names, but you all should know who he is.  I took a huge step in all of this, and for once put myself (like I promised) first.  I realized for so long I sabotaged so many of my relationships, because of the past, because of my experiences and loyalty to many people.  I was not letting this go this time.  I wanted to do this for me, and I wanted him more than I have ever wanted someone before.

 

And the feeling was mutual.  For once.   

 

I can honestly say, I am the happiest I have ever been.  Everyone who is close to me has told me they just see something different in me these days.  Well that difference is him.  There is not a day that goes by that he does not make me feel so very special.  I can go on and on forever about this. 

 

I laugh at myself daily cause I am such a fucking cheeseball.  It's all sort of sickening.  But you know what?  I deserve it.  I really really do. 

 

And finally, I feel at peace.  What I thought was peace before, was just a glimpse of it.  I have been living in the present lately, and it feels so so good.   

 

I never thought this would happen for me.  But it did.  And for that, I am thankful.  And in love. 

 

 

 

 



Everything.

I just had to get up, leave my computer screen, and hide in the bathroom to cry, for just a few moments.  This is everything.  Everything.

And when I go home I will love my everything even more. 

This is a letter written by Fiona Apple, as an apology to her fans for the suspension of her tour.  And this is exactly why I love her even more today than I have ever loved her before.  And this is exactly why I remember to give Jose an extra rub, or an extra kiss, each and every day.  Watching someone pass whether a friend, a family member, or a pet is life changing.  It brings a meaning to life more than anything will ever come close to.  With this letter I remember holding my aunts hand as she took her last breath, and with this I acknowledge how special each and every moment is.  With every wind, I remember.  I certainly can never forget. 

taken from Fiona's Facebook

It's 6pm on Friday,and I'm writing to a few thousand friends I have not met yet.
I am writing to ask them to change our plans and meet a little while later.
Here's the thing.
I have a dog Janet, and she's been ill for almost two years now, as a tumor has been idling in her chest, growing ever so slowly. She's almost 14 years old now.I got her when she was 4 months old. I was 21 then, an adult officially - and she was my child.

She is a pitbull, and was found in Echo Park, with a rope around her neck, and bites all over her ears and face.
She was the one the dogfighters use to puff up the confidence of the contenders.
She's almost 14 and I've never seen her start a fight ,or bite, or even growl, so I can understand why they chose her for that awful role. She's a pacifist.
Janet has been the most consistent relationship of my adult life, and that is just a fact.
We've lived in numerous houses, and jumped a few make shift families, but it's always really been the two of us.
She slept in bed with me, her head on the pillow, and she accepted my hysterical, tearful face into her chest, with her paws around me, every time I was heartbroken, or spirit-broken, or just lost, and as years went by, she let me take the role of her child, as I fell asleep, with her chin resting above my head.
She was under the piano when I wrote songs, barked any time I tried to record anything, and she was in the studio with me all the time we recorded the last album.
The last time I came back from tour, she was spry as ever, and she's used to me being gone for a few weeks every 6 or 7 years.
She has Addison's Disease, which makes it dangerous for her to travel since she needs regular injections of Cortisol, because she reacts to stress and to excitement without the physiological tools which keep most of us from literally panicking to death.
Despite all of this, she’s effortlessly joyful and playful, and only stopped acting like a puppy about 3 years ago.
She's my best friend and my mother and my daughter, my benefactor, and she's the one who taught me what love is.
I can't come to South America. Not now.
When I got back from the last leg of the US tour, there was a big, big difference.
She doesn't even want to go for walks anymore.
I know that she's not sad about aging or dying. Animals have a survival instinct, but a sense of mortality and vanity, they do not. That’s why they are so much more present than people.
But I know that she is coming close to point where she will stop being a dog, and instead, be part of everything. She’ll be in the wind, and in the soil, and the snow, and in me, wherever I go.
I just can't leave her now, please understand.
If I go away again, I’m afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out.
Sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick which socks to wear to bed.
But this decision is instant.
These are the choices we make, which define us.
I will not be the woman who puts her career ahead of love and friendship.
I am the woman who stays home and bakes Tilapia for my dearest, oldest friend.
And helps her be comfortable, and comforted, and safe, and important.
Many of us these days, we dread the death of a loved one. It is the ugly truth of Life, that keeps us feeling terrified and alone.
I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time.
I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments.
I need to do my damnedest to be there for that.
Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I've ever known.
When she dies.
So I am staying home, and I am listening to her snore and wheeze, and reveling in the swampiest, most awful breath that ever emanated from an angel.
And I am asking for your blessing.

I'll be seeing you.
Love, Fiona

DaGrinch

The holiday season I guess has crept up on me again.  Hate this time of year.  Fast foward to December 27th please.

Girl Code

I have been talking alot about "Girl Code" with my girlfriends lately and I think its only appropriate to put this out there.  I have officially broken my strict loyalty to this code and it weighs heavy on my heart each and every day.  The plus to this, I am happy, really super happy for once.  So following the rule of life, as to do what makes you happy, is my only justification for this occurance.  Even though I still feel super crappy about it.  But enough of that anyway....

So here it is.  This is my idea of girl code.  Breaking the code results to you sucking in my mind and I'm sure most girls out there will agree...

1.  Do not date your girlfriends ex-boyfriend.  This is not acceptable.  There is a time limit on this shit though.  Like if I dated Tommy in the first grade, please feel free to get all up in him.  I'm gonna go with five years as the time limit.  If your girlfriend gives  you permission, or if she has since married, feel free to chose as you please.  Otherwise, do not do this. 

2.  Side note to #1.  Do not sleep with someone your friend has slept with.  I understand there are exceptions to this rule, but its kinda gross.  And weird to do this consciously.  Exception #1...your friend does not remember having sex.  Exception #2...you have sex at the same time as your friend, aka threesome.  Exception #3...you were not aware (truthfully). 

3.  After you break up with a boyfriend understand that you are broken up.  Shit did not work for you.  Let him out to date other people.  Do not call him to discuss his dating.  Do not get angry at him for dating.  Size up the girl, judge her, make fun of her, then let it go.  Let it the fuck go.  Hear me.  Leave him alone.  This will bring me to my next point.

4.  Internet stalking is acceptable we all do it.  Shit don't deny it.  Please.  However, and by However, I mean however....leave him alone.  Stop liking every fucking picture and every stupid status update on social networking sites.  Be stealthy.  Making another girl annoyed by your unstealthiness is fucked up.  His new girl is aware of you, trust me.  Now make yourself disappear.  And please, please, do not resort to texting him to try and just fuck shit up.  You are dumb.

5.  If a girl has 1. lipstick on her teeth, 2. toilet paper on her shoe, 3. boogies in her nose, 4. period on her pants, TELL her.  Please Please, tell her.  She will really appreciate it.

6.  Do not be jealous of your girlfriends new girlfriends.  It is tacky.  Just because she made a new friend, does not mean you have the right to be a jealous bitch.  Accept the new friend, make her your own if you want, but overall, just be cool. 

7.  Do not make your boyfriend your whole life.  Remember those girlfriends that got you through your tough times.  Remind them of their importance.  And most importantly maintain your memory of being independent. 

8.  Make dibs on guys if you please.  Respect your girlfriends interest, but accept the loss if you do not make a move. 

9.  Always be a wing women.  If your girls need you, be there.  Take one for the team if you have to.  You all know what I mean. 

10.  Be honest, with care.  Realize your opinions and comments to your friends WILL matter.  So much sometimes that you will be cut if you make the wrong one.  Think before you speak, it will ultimately do the trick.  It's kind of easy.  If you think it is not right to say, It's NOT. 

11.  Do not wear the same outfit as your friend in the same night.  This is the exact reason we all ask "what are you wearing tonight."   Don't fuck this shit up.  This goes for shoes and perfume as well. 

12.  Do not encourage your friends to drunk dial their ex's.  Comfort them when they make mistakes.  Do not judge, we all do it. 

13.  Tell your friend if her outfit is horrible.  Again, be honest, but wise.  If it is just not your style, then save your comments.  If it is just terrible, speak up. 

14.   Do not go against the girl code.  And if you do (like me for instance) give yourself a penance and accept that you could possibly have lost mad respect or whatever.  And then move on to attempting to not break again.  What goes around comes around.

Vote

Okay anyone who knows me must know that I never discuss politics.  I will sit in silence and ask you as politely as I can to not discuss them with me.  It makes me feel uneasy and I hate that I can (and will) judge you for your views.  I would rather not know.  Your choice is your choice and as long as you keep it to yourself I will not judge, argue, or delete your ass from my life.  It's that serious.

But anyway....I need to say this in anticipation for tomorrow's election day.   If Romney wins this election I am 99.8% sure I will be out of a job.  Programs like the one I work on will be closed, and low income families will be left to find jobs in an economy where job placement is an absolute joke. We already are struggling enough with Corbett in office and it will be a complete nightmare for our program if Romney is elected. 

“Well, my system is primarily based on trying to create jobs, not handing out cash to individuals. I do lower the lowest income tax bracket from 10 percent to 7.5 percent. And that helps, of course, people at the low economic level."  -Romney
Smart, real smart kid.  Create some jobs.  Fucking genius. 

So if you like Romney, and you plan to vote, please anticipate my begging for some money.  Cause my ass is gonna be jobless and broke. 

And if you don't like this post, then suck it, and then suck it some more. 

Make sure you do go out and vote though.  It is kinda sorta your right, what we once fought for, and absolutely positively important to the future of our country.