Surprise!!!

Okay well I am officially old (according to what I always have said) and I actually kind of feel great about it.  30 has been amazing so far.  I mean, I pre-celebrated my birthday with a trip to Spain.  What could be better than that?  After returning from Spain I had no expectations, yes, for once in my life, of what my birthday should have been.  This is a major problem of mine.  Expectations.  I expect too much and am constantly let down.  While in Spain I somehwhat had a melt down regarding this issue.  A great friend of mine talked me through this and now I am honestly working to have less expectations and to be more appreciative of what comes to me rather than what I think I deserve.  It is work in progress for sure. 

Anyways back to 30.  So I came home with absolutely no expectations for what my 30th birthday should have been.  I told my friends (Philly girls) that I just wanted to go out and hop around town.  My only requirement was that I had no involvement in deciding what I wanted to do.  I gave them a list of "please don't take me here's" and left it at that. 

While in Spain my sister Michele contacted me to let me know she decided to have a little birthday party for me at her house on Saturday.  I tried to explain to her that my friends would be planning something for me Saturday and it might not be the best day.  I did not want to have to rush around and cut short time with either my family or my friends.  My sister told me it was not an option to change the day and I just had to suck it up.  I was annoyed yes, and bitched about it in every way, but recognized of course that my sister was doing something nice for me, and I needed to stop being a brat.  So I went, and it was amazing.  I love my family so much.  Little did I know, they were just trying to get me out of the city for the day.  So the following could take place....

Upon returning to the city I was informed that I needed to be ready by 9pm.  Problem #1.  I do not like to go out before 10pm...earliest.  Didn't my friends know this by now?  I have a slight drinking problem and going out at 9 would for sure leave me for dead by 2am.  So I bitched about that.  Then I was told that I was going to dinner at 9pm.  Problem #2.  I hate eating out prior to a night of drinking.  Okay.  So I am vegan now and the food I eat fucking stinks.  I need to like brush my teeth six times and shower afterwards just not to smell like a ball of garlic.  How was I gonna score the perfect birthday dude smelling like garlic.  I was annoyed.  And bitched again.  So of course, I get my ass up and ready by 9pm, 8:30 to be exact, so that no one else could join in my bitching party.  I was then informed that at 9:30pm I had to wait on Shanna.  Problem #3.  I hate waiting.  Not on my birthday.  No fucking way.  So I bitched some more.  Oh and on top of it I had to walk to get Shanna, so we could take cab to the same place.  Problem #4.  Doesn't anyone understand I am in heels.  Super mother effing High Heels.  There is no compromise to my heels.  So I bitched, yes, a little bit more.

My god.  My poor friends.  I am such a little brat.

Anyways, I thought that I was going to Vedge for dinner since I have not yet been.  Danielle informed me that I was going to have a nice little evening with many places to visit, starting with dinner.  She promised that I would not be thrown into a bar to just take 10 pickle backs in a row (which secretly I would not have minded).  I accepted and we started on our trek to Shanna's apartment so we can be on our way to dinner.

And.....SURPRISE!! There was a party waiting for me.  I was so surprised, I mean maybe I should have had an idea that this would happen, but I really did not.  My friends, across the board, played this really well.  They all had little lies to make me not even think that this was NOT happening. 

I have to say everything was just perfect.  The Asian theme, the homeade vegan food, my entire family, all my friends, the originals, and those to date.  I am so gosh darn lucky.  I smiled from ear to ear all night. 

Allison made a comment to me on Monday saying that she was so satisfied with the turnout just because I was beaming.  The.Entire.Time.  Honestly, I could not have had a more perfect night.  Even though my bridesmaids did not have their kimono's on, it was truly the wedding (to myself) I have always wanted.  Life celebration, yes!  I would say. 

So here is my thank you.  Thank you for all being you and for making me feel so incredibly lucky to be me.  Each and every minute of that night I will remember as being some of the best.  You have officially started my decade off with a bang (no pun intended) and I love you all so very much. 

And if I didn't shove cake in your face, I apologize, and promise to get you in the future, to show my love and appreciation of course.

Thanks a millions times over.  All my love.  And some more. 

 

 

 

 ((sorry for those left outta pictures)) I really did not have as many as I would like. 

 

on my day.

It's only 10:30 am in the morning and I am so overwhelmed with reminders of how rich my life is.  How lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life.  And how extremely thankful to have had to opportunity to live all my experiences thus far in my life. 

I want to share a moment within the past week where I was completely overwhelmed with emotion and reflection on my life.  While in Madrid, I was robbed, my cell phone was stolen, and at the time it was the end of the world.  I was devasted.  I had just recently been robbed in Philadelphia and went through the same situation two months prior.  I was filled with, why me's, not fairs, and how could they's.  I just was so pissed at the world.  For someone who gives back so much, I could not understand how I was again experiencing a situation of extreme ignorance and negativity.  I took to throwing a pity party for myself for like hours.  I wanted to fight everyone and anyone who I came into contact with.

And then....

Now let me say this first.  The past couple of years I have come to change my religious perspective quite some bit.  I was raised in a Catholic family, who went to church every week, and who attended Catholic school.  I always questioned organized religion and with my own strength broke free from the guilt of not completely believing in what was taught and preached to me.  I felt an extreme sense of freedom being able to practice different religions freely with no judgement or questions of "what I am."  I am still confused with what to believe, or who to believe in, but I am okay with that.  For me it is most important to have spirituality within myself.  To believe in whatever I want to believe in and to feel what I give to this world will always matter regardless of whose "gates" I step upon at the time of death.  Okay, enough of that.

So back to the thing....when I was in Madrid. 

I entered a cathedral, and I am terrible with names so I don't even remember which it was.  Upon entering the church I was still disconnected, focusing more upon my photographs and the beauty of it as an establishment.  I did not sit and pray, as I was used to doing.  I did not feel as if I was worthy considering the catholic church shuns those who do not attend the sabbath weekly.  I began walking through the church, exploring, photo after photo.  I came to a private praying area, not for tourist, for those that wanted to sit in peace and pray.  Suddenly I had the urge to go in.  Well I did, and I can't even begin to put into words what came over me.  Within 15 seconds of entering the room, I was overwhelmed with emotion.  And I promise you tears are in my eyes at this very moment.  I felt so happy and so content but also so saddened by my ungrateful attitude I had exhibited in the 24 hours prior.  I sat there and I cried and cried and then cried somemore.  All with such thanks in my mind.

During these moments, in privacy, in my own peace, I was able to reflect and remember what is important in life.  My life is so rich and I am so thankful for everything that I have.  I have the best friends and family one could ever ask for.  The places, events, people, everything, I have experienced have been so special to me and sometimes it takes moments like these to remember that. 

So I just want to thank you to all those who have shaped me into this, yes, 30 year old I am today.  All my gratitude and love for everything you have given me. 

And I will always remember....that when I wake up in the morning, I will put my best love forward.  Each and every single day.   

to be back

Welp...yep it sucks.  To be back in the states blows a big donkey ya know.  This place is terrible.  I am going to try and get to my photos so I can post and show pics at the same time.  I have so much to talk about and will write about each city.  It will just take me a minute or 9000 to get to my 1500 pictures. 

So far back in 'Merica it has sucked....
I...
1.  Spoke with the most undereducated, unreliable, and super stupid ATT tech to get my phone turned back on 9 million minutes later. 
2.  Spilled my entire jug of Tom Yum Soup (after craving it for an entire 8 hr flight) all over my kitchen floor.
3.  Went "to sleep" (those words will forever be funny) before the sun went down.
4.  Had to remove a staff member from my staff
5.  Spent $2.75 on the worst tasting organic orange juice.
6.  Am dealing with a fever, sinus infection, and lack of taste buds
7.  Saw a Honda Civic with fake eyelashes on the headlights
8.  Spent a half hour within the first two hours of being awake discussing a drug addicted baby momma.
9.  Had to do wash.
10. Was reunited with the city of Chester.

FML.  Send me back to the unreal world...aka Spain.