Art of Wellness

So thanks to Fran, I was able to go to my first appointment at the Art of Wellness yesterday.  Fran bought me a gift card for my birthday because 1. she really enjoyed her own appointment, and 2. because my body has been extremely out of WACK lately. 

For those of you that know me well, and I guess those that don't, I have been experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety in the past four-five months.  I've tried to blame it on just about anything and everything, and have spent countless hours trying to figure out my triggers.  The craziest thing is that I should be the happiest I have ever been in my life, but for some reason at times I feel exactly everything but that.  It is a constant battle for me. 

Since I have been a child I have always been a worrier.   And in turn, have always felt sick.  I go through rough periods of these feelings, which are far worse than others, but ultimately I never exactly feel okay.  I go through mixtures of remedies and techniques to battle this anxiety but somehow it always finds it way back to me.  Happy or sad, somehow it always creeps back in.  I treat my anxiety like a really super annoying friend.  Someone who shows up just a the most inappropriate moment begging for attention.  And who just will not go away. 

I listen to friends, family, co-workers, doctors, gurus, strangers, anyone who will give me advice to fight this craphole of a friend.  Sometimes suggestions work, sometimes they don't, but somehow, like I said it all comes back to me at some point.  There's periods where I feel like giving up on learning to live with this shit, and other times where I am determined to find the best ways to fight back hard against it. 

Recurring Cycle.

But anyway, back to the point.  I went to this Allergy Testing appointment.  I really did not know exactly what to expect nor if I really believed this testing would even feel accurate or justifiable to me.  I mean really, how can a metal stick and energy waves tell you what your body can and can't handle.  And how in the world was that going to help my anxiety?  I barely eat anything that is not good for my body.  If I cut anything else out you could basically categorize me as a bunny (which I am fine with).  And again, what the hell does this have to do with my aches, and pains, and most importantly my mental status? 

Welllll...let me tell you this test was fantastic.  And I left with soooo much insight and so much hope for a life without this annoying friend.  I learned that I in fact am not crazy, and surprisingly my brain is functioning rather well.  Rather, I have one of those "chemical imbalances" they talk about.  Talk chemicals or science for that matter to me and I check right the fuck out.  Not listening, don't understand.  Just tell me what I can do to fix it.  And don't shove Zoloft and Xanax down my throat, even though, they sometimes may be rather enjoyable.  But not for me ultimately. 

So let's do this the homeopathic way...I am in.  I understand NOW that my body is not producing enough serotonin, and without this it makes it difficult for me to fight these bouts of anxiety.   I know that because I lack serotonin my body has a hard time escaping that fight or flight mode, and in turn my heart palpitations and inability to deal with stressful situations are inevitable.  It finally makes sense.  I get it now.  And now I can work on fixing it through acupuncture and serotonin doses. 

That's it?  Really?  But yea...

I have so much hope.  And I am more than thankful I had the opportunity to be introduced to the wellness center.  I am confident this is the way, and I hope my experience through this will help others to see that prescription depression/anxiety medications are not the only way to go. 

I mean, anyone can do this really.  It's a matter of making it happen actually.  Which I am glad I finally did.  I got home and told Steve all about it.  He says, at the end of my rant, "give me a hug, come here." What?  Why? What did I do?  "I'm proud of you" he says.  And you know what?  He's right, I should be proud of me.  I really kinda am.  I've been talking about it (and now writing) all damn day.

OHhhh and on a complete side note: I also found out I am allergic to gluten.  Which sucks far worse than I could ever imagine.  But I will deal with that on its own.  I mean we live in a Gluten Free World these days.  And I am determined to get my body to learn how to break it down, so one day I can eat all the pasta I could ever want.  I am only on day one about 6 hrs into my gluten detox, so I am sure we will revisit this in about 24 hours when my longing for bagels and skinny sticks meets its max.

If anyone in the Philadelphia area would like to go to one of these appts I highly suggest checking out Cheryl at www.theartofwellnesscenter.com. 

And if you need some guidance on how to deal with anxiety, I am sure I have just about every suggestion for you.  Just give me a call.  I'll be sure to talk you through the worst of the worst kind of panic attacks.

With love.
Your chemically unbalanced gluten allergenic freak.

Hey hey, I am back

Okay so I haven't written on this thing in so so long.  Between photography work and my insane work schedule I have not much time to do anything.  But recently I have felt like I have so much to write about and no where to put it.  I felt like I had abandoned this thing, and it wasn't right to just pick it back up, but then I remembered the blog has no actual feelings.  It is not mad at me or something. 

So anyways, here I am.  I probably will return for now and then disappear again.  But hey, really who cares...no one probably even reads this mess on the reg. 

The amount of shit that has happened to me in the (almost) year since I have written is amazing.  Most importantly the fact that I got engaged, and holy shit, I am getting married.  Who would've ever thought that?  Sure as hell not me.  I noticed that in the beginning of my engagement I went to worrrrkkkkk.  I busted my ass and secured my venue in just about one week's time.  I was determined to get married in October of next year.   Most importantly however, I noticed that all I talked about for like two-four weeks was this god damn wedding that is one year away.  I wanted to tell myself to shut up and I am sure that my friends felt even more eye rolls and STFU's then I can imagine.  I've been there, trust me.  I said I would never be that way, and I have finally gotten to the point of annoying myself enough, that I am taking a bit of a break.  Well sort of.  I am sure I will write about this experience in just about every post, but honestly, this is my life and this is what I am experiencing, so bear with me.

After re-reading my last post to remember where I left off I still want to re-iterate...everything I said, I really really still mean.  Single ladies, do not settle for anything but the best.  I can hear you, see your eye rolls, "Shut up" right?  No.  There are still good ones out there, I promise.  And when you find one, don't sit on it and wait for it to happen.  You are in control of your life, stop letting feelings, and "I feel stupids" stand in your way. 

I can honestly say, I have found a man who is so much better than me every day.  He makes me want to be this person I never even thought I could even be.  Every single day I cannot wait to get home to see him.  I cannot wait to tell him the 8 hrs worth of shit that happen in our longest hours away from each other.  This is really real.  It happens. 

I am so happy to have started this whole marriage thing.  I have so much to complain about already :)


In brief: For those who I haven't talked to...we got engaged on our trip to Memphis.  Steve thought it was appropriate to be all cool calm and collective and not ask me until three days into our trip.  But it was all so incredibly perfect.  I cannot have asked for a better memory.